Photo credit: CNN screncap

By Odeisel

I did a pretty dumb thing today upon hearing the news that former football star turned convicted killer Aaron Hernandez was found hung in his cells, days after beating a double murder rap, which would have gone on top of his conviction and life sentence for the murder of Odin Lloyd. I had a lot of thoughts about it, including the events surrounding the murder, and the life events of Hernandez. And how his seemingly charmed life spiraled out of control. And I led a Facebook  post off with an R.I.P. Aaron Hernandez.

I know. I let it fly. And even though I associated it with the effects of what a father’s absence can do , and how much of Hernandez’ aggression and psychosis could be attributed to football related head injuries, both of which are real, it was insensitive. Probably even dumb as fuck. No excuses for it. I won’t ask for a Mulligan.  Sometimes in our rush to explain things, or to frame things we lose track of what really happens. What the events were. When we lose, it doesn’t really matter why, does it?

And so I mulled it. I went back and forth a few times. Elaborated on my position. Some people agreed. some people gave an I see, but fuck that. Whatever people see in it is their right. For the loved ones of Odin Lloyd though, they could give a fuck about Hernandez’ father, or CTE or any precipitating or exacerbating condition that fed into Hernandez’ mania and Lloyd’s death. They only know that one day they woke up, and he wasn’t there no more. And that Aaron Hernandez murdered their friend/brother/lover/child. And no explanation can make them whole.

And so I took my ass and logged off. Logged entirely the fuck off. And still got text-checked on it. By a conscience of mine. Who asked  a simple question. “Can you really say RIP?” Nah. You can’t. And I shouldn’t have. No matter what point I was trying to make or how salient it was or what allegory I tried to draw. For Lloyd’s family, there is no rest and certainly there can be no peace. So to them, and anyone else who suffered at the hands of Aaron Hernandez, I apologize. I should have known better. I knew better. May Odin Lloyd Rest in Peace.