By Malice Intended
Unlike a lot of heterosexual men my age, I actually hope to find that special someone one day. Maybe even get married. I’m kind of a sap in that regard. These days, there seem to be a great many obstacles set up to deter such pursuits. Many of them are designed specifically for men with my particular tastes. I like women of color, Black women in particular. I have a thing for full lips, melanin, and round backsides. Yet it seems that the powers that be would discourage such desires. To do so, they have employed a powerful weapon now known as “Reality Television.” If twenty years of misogynist, and hypersexual Hip-Hop couldn’t adequately poison one’s mind against Black women, shows like Basketball Wives are poised to finish the job.
At this point, surely everyone is familiar with the negative statistics regarding the desirability of Black women as life mates. They are supposedly the least married group in this country next to Asian men. Well, contrary to what Jay-Z would have one believe, numbers don’t always tell the whole story. The proverbial deck has always been stacked against Black women. Various forms of character and perception assassination abound, much of it perpetrated by our own. Such eagerness to enable one’s own demise can be the only explanation for the hordes of Black folks who volunteer to be the subjects of reality shows. Most of these shows exploit common and deep seeded fears associated with dating and marriage. They do so under the guise of seeking a solution to the problem.
A few weeks back, I was flipping through the channels and happened upon a marathon of VH1’s Basketball Wives: LA. The cast of characters (and I use that phrase literally) was filled out by a bevy of Black women, many of which are reasonably attractive. As I took in the scenery, my passive viewing eventually gave way to abject horror. Through the course of a handful of episodes, each one of these women was revealed as little more than a narcissistic diva. They seemed to do little more than drink, shop, gossip, and bear children. They also bickered with each other incessantly. To top it off, they all exhibited a deep seated sense of entitlement in regards to their husbands and life in general.
My horror was multiplied exponentially by yet another show called Tough Love: Miami. It revolves around a boot camp of sorts lorded over by Steven Ward. He claims to whip emotionally damaged women into shape and make them suitable mates for the proverbial “everyman.” I perked up when I saw that the lovely model known as Avonte was among the cast members. I then was repelled when her disgusting personality revealing itself. She harbored a distrust of men that bordered on pathological paranoia and thought nothing of berating a potential suitor on their first date, while expected her “ideal man” to put up with such behavior.
The danger of these shows is that they normalize such attitudes. The Black women displayed like carnival freaks on these programs are undoubtedly the most extreme cases imaginable. Unfortunately, I fear that many young men and women may not realize this when watching. They might see a confirmation of whatever stereotypes they already harbor. Worse yet, they may even see potential role models. It’s amazing that the Black community has often rallied to censor the rampant misogyny and unchecked sexuality found in rap records, but treats these reality shows like some sort of harmless amusement.
The majority of Black women most certainly do not act like the ones on these shows. My father didn’t marry a woman like that, nor have any of my close friends. The majority of Black women in my immediate circle are intelligent, educated, hardworking, ambitious, and supportive. They aren’t demanding harlots with delusions of grandeur, using their womanhood as a meal ticket. Here’s some advice for those addicted to such diversions. Reality Television is just as scripted as your favorite daytime soap. Nothing about it is real. If you find yourself relating just a bit too much with any of the women on those shows, seek professional help immediately.
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