By Single Black Female

This column may just get me in some serious trouble. The few guys who know the face behind the words are always on guard when we hang out. “You’re not going to write about me are you?” “I better not read about this date in your next column!” Those are some of the comments I’ve heard. Personally, I don’t see the big deal, we hang out, chat a bit, hopefully have some laughs and the night is over. What’s there to be nervous about? Especially when only he and I know who the story pertains to.

When I’m out with my girls and we have a great night or funny moment THEY suggest I use it as fodder for the column; shoot some even call me with suggestions. Men however aren’t as forthcoming, even if their identities are anonymous. Makes me wonder if maybe I shouldn’t “keep it (so) real.” Maybe folks are only comfortable with their own realities. Sometimes facing yourself in the mirror is hard enough without someone else holding it up for you.

One guy warned me not to write about him, I brushed it off, chalked it up to his quirky sense of humor. I kind of thought there was a slim chance he was interested in me and figured the column would be a cute, flirty way of telling him he was on my radar too. Turns out he was serious about his warning; I haven’t heard from him since he read the article and expressed how he felt about it. “Well I didn’t lie” was my defense, “I told the story exactly how the date went, did you see something that was an untruth?” Again, even if I did use creative license how would anyone know it was him? Maybe it was TOO much of a reality check. Could it be I’d inadvertently exposed what he felt inside? He admitted, “No man wants to read those things about himself.”  “Even if it was in the best interest of the man?” I countered. He never colored what I said as inaccurate, never said I misread him or offered any explanation for his weird behavior. Damn! I did it again; I’m writing about him, he’ll surely never call again now…lol. I apologize; sometimes things in my life are so interesting I don’t have to make stuff up. In hindsight it makes sense we never pursued a relationship, we are two very different personalities that would not have meshed anyway, I need help explaining that to my ego though.

On the flip side, why should the insecurities of others be my burden? I guess it’s something to be said about confidence or vanity because real men don’t have a problem with being the center of attention for however long it takes you to read this. My ex would be beside himself to see all the details of our impromptu trips, shopping excursions or expensive dates spelled out in black and white (I’d never give him the satisfaction-bet you think this article is about you? NOT!).

I have a friend who said I could share our dates with the masses, probably because he knows he does the damn thing when we go out so there’d be nothing for him to be ashamed of. Then there was one who said “oh hell no you won’t be talking bad about me for the world to see, I have to make sure this date is right, should I wear a tie?” Perhaps I should lead with “I write a singles column.” Dudes come correct when they think the spot light will be on them. It would definitely help avoid the time I waste on wack dates and extra sensitive men.

Looking at the woman in the mirror I have to be honest with myself; I would like to settle down and get married, one day; being single can be a drag; My strong, opinionated personality could be too much for some dudes; there are men who need to be coddled and some are more delicate than others. I vow, with all of you as witnesses to stop calling dudes out for the punks they are. Wait, that didn’t come out right. I promise to be honest with my dates, allow them the option of being subjects of my creativity and I will not take no for an answer. Look, I’m a work in progress. Ralph Tresvant told me when I was a little girl, that I needed a man with sensitivity but I don’t think he anticipated guys becoming soft as Twinkie filling. It’s going to be a long road before I get down the aisle…

Sincerely Yours,

SBF

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