By shelz.

A few more days and 2010 will be history and Sir Arthur C. Clarke devotees can stop prattling on about how sad it is man hasn’t made it to Jupiter. People are looking forward to a truck load of things expected in the New Year, but it looks like 2011 is going to be 2010 redux.  More movies based on comic book characters, new generations of existing electronic gadgets, fashions that have come full circle when they shouldn’t have and lots of albums that were on most anticipated lists last year.  I don’t know about anyone else, but outside of the Smurfs movie (I really wish Lil Kim was playing Smurfette) I’m not looking forward to much of the retread or the delayed releases we are facing.  So instead of a most anticipated list, I have a “you can keep it” list. Some stuff just isn’t necessary.

1. iPad 2

Umm why?  So the first generation doesn’t have a camera.  Every other doo dad you have does. How many pictures do you take anyway? Do you need USB ports that bad? Your desk top misses you, pay him some attention and save that ridiculous asking price.  Or buy an Apple symbol sticker and smack it on the back of a Kindle.  No one will know the difference.

2. Transformers 3

We know Megan Fox isn’t the best actress in the world, but she is the main reason a huge chunk of fans sat through the first two Transformer movies. Now she’s gone; replaced by an underwear model who can count this as her first acting role. I’m hoping Megatron can transform into a refund because I don’t have the best feeling about this.  Tyrese has a small part though, so I guess it’s a good thing the love guru will be able to pay his child support.

3. Rambo V

I was hoping this was somebody’s idea of a joke, but a few years ago this was a serious project that Stallone was talking up.  I’m not sure if it’s still coming, but I hope not.  It was supposed to be Rambo in Antarctica hunting the abominable snow man. Then it turned into Rambo hunting down Mexican flesh peddlers.  Either way, Rambo was saving folks during Vietnam so he’s not exactly a spring chicken. Hauling your nurse around to push your wheel chair over glaciers and change your frozen diaper doesn’t seem like a good plot for an action movie.

4. Jeezy: Thug Motivation 103

Well, the wait has been eons shorter than the wait for that other mythical album from the West Coast Doctor that I refuse to name.  However, Def Jam’s reluctance to drop this in the wake of some of the really bad albums they have green lighted recently makes me a little wary of this project.  Young Jeezy’s thug simply isn’t motivated anymore.  His style may be seen as passé and it’s hard to take a man named Jizzle seriously.  Yes, the pun was intended.

5. Heavy

A&E has tapped into the misery market better than any other station around.  Between the drug addicts, OCD sufferers and the hoarders, they are positioned as the best spot for human suffering on the boob tube.  Since fat is the new black, A&E has hopped on the trend. I don’t know how the morbidly obese feel about this new limelight, but watching an overweight man struggle up a flight of steps just isn’t entertaining to me. Plus, I can see that at work.

6. Nintendo 3DS

This is just a personal issue, but what are optometrists saying about all this 3D stuff?  And what are they saying about staring at these little ass screens for hours?  I don’t know, but adding them together can’t be good.  This little gadget might be cool, but manage your time with these things.  An eyeball is a terrible thing to waste or step on after it falls out of your head due to mismanagement.

7. The New Look American Idol

Simon Cowell ditched the vehicle that made him richer than The Pope. Ellen decided crushing dreams by the truck load wasn’t her thing and Paula couldn’t keep a lid on the keg during working hours. It was that extreme dysfunction that made the show so great, but American Idol is cleaning up its act with some less than exciting replacements.  Randy’s straight man shtick will now be bookended by another dancer turned mediocre singer and a dude that looks like a lady.

8. T.I. and His Promise to Do Better

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me three times? Sigh

I wish T.I. the best but he seems adamant that he is entitled to lecturing your kids about how bad it is to regularly get popped by the boys in blue when he regularly gets popped by the boys in blue. He says he’s one of the most effective role models the Hip-Hop community has to offer right now; that everyone has these little hiccups in their past. That may be true in his circles, but most folks living that life don’t have as many hiccups because dudes don’t normally get out to hiccup another day after doing what he’s done. Maybe that album should be called Too Much Mercy.

9. See Through Clothing

It seems like just a few years ago, see through dresses were the hotness.  Well, they are coming back and there are some women out there who can pull them off.  If you have no junk in the trunk, the glove compartment, the door compartments or anywhere else for that matter, you’re good.  You can’t be obscene if you have nothing to show. But ladies with round parts please refrain, especially at PTA meetings.  Thanks.

10. Big Momma’s House 3

I’d blame Flip Wilson if he wasn’t so funny.  I’m just tired of seeing famous black men in drag.  That will be all.

Okay I have to go there…

11. Detox

At one point I thought Dr. Dre was one of those Arthur Clarke groupies I was talking about in the intro.  2001 and 2010 are science fiction fan fantasy years.  But 2010 came and went and Detox is still the mythical unicorn of urban music that it was in 2009. The bottom line is once it drops (hold your breath) people will go over it with a fine tooth comb just to be assholes since they had to wait so long.  Plus it will probably sound as dated as a Tupac feature. Why bother?

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