By A Negro And A Keyboard

Seriously, the only thing left for us to see from model Naomi Campbell is a television commercial in which she is portrayed to be in labor, clad in some shrubbery-laden outfit, giving birth to a infant-sized bottle of perfume, and she will officially be the 2010 Strangé from Boomerang.

As if her real-life persona was directly adapted from the character in this classic Eddie Murphy film, played by and loosely based upon the antics of 80’s model/singer Grace Jones, Campbell has come to take pride in a public image built on a series of legendary diva tirades, including several incidents of violence perpetrated against others, most recently, yesterday’s “punch-and-run” of her limousine driver.

Now I want to clearly state that I do not condone the abuse of women in any form, but y’all know that every time we hear one of these stories, we all think the same thing: This chick needs her a$$ whipped in the worst way”.

Yet, for some odd reason, we find ourselves here on the cusp of what will surely be another series of over-dramatized court appearances, likely to end with yet another mandate for anger management. As I sit here and ponder the incredulity of her continuous nonsense, I find myself dumbfounded at the fact that a person, particularly one of her skin hew, has gone unchecked for so long.

When I spoke about Jayson Williams and his current situation in last week’s article, I specifically stated that he was a man with a college education, and for that fact alone, separate of his wealth, he would not receive any “I came from nothing” reprieve from this Negro. Yet, when looking at the life of Naomi Campbell, she has one hundred times less of a chance than him to get any pass on this absurd behavior because, minus the fact that she doesn’t know her father (boo-hoo, chick), the rest of her life from its earliest years, was one of comfort and affluence.

Raised by a mother who was a professional dancer, from the time she was 10 years old, she was already receiving some of the best education in Europe, with a concentration in ballet, as well as doing some child acting. At the age of 15, she began her professional modeling career with a bang, being signed by the world-renowned Elite Model Management. From there, as many of us know, her career skyrocketed, with her gracing the pages of all of the major fashion publications, including Vogue and Time Magazine, being the first woman of African descent to make the cover of the former. Campbell’s career naturally evolved into other avenues, including video appearances, film, literature, a clothing and fragrance line, and even despite her surly disposition, several philanthropic ventures.

With no other explanation, it appears that her rise to stardom has given her afalse sense of entitlement that motivates her to lash out in this socially inept manner.

In 2000, Campbell pleaded guilty in Toronto to assaulting Georgina Galanis, her assistant at the time with a telephone and threatened to throw her out of a moving car. Campbell doubled-up in 2005, assaulting another assistant, Amanda Brack, with a Blackberry as well as beating the brakes off of actress Yvonne Scio, because she wore the same dress as Campbell. 2006 saw Campbell bust her housekeeper Gaby Gibson’s head open with one of those jewel-covered cell phones that Paris Hilton made popular. In 2007, she swung off on yet another housekeeper, Ana Scolavino, causing her like Gibson, to require stitches. After catching the Scolavino case, this chick had the audacity to say that her attitude comes from feelings of resentment due to her father’s abandonment. F**k out of here with that nonsense. My father abandoned us many moons ago, and yet I and many others managed not to split wigs in such abundance.

Despite this already impressive combat resume that “Stormin’ Norman” Schwarzkopf couldn’t rival, in the words of rap group Onyx, “B-B-B-But wait it gets worse!”

In 2008, Campbell stepped her game up to attacking the police, popping off on a London police officer in the airport because one of her bags was lost, causing her to be banned from British Airways globally. Almost as funny as the excuse she used citing her father as the source of her anger, is the defense she used in this case, saying that the airline staff called her a “Golliwog (English caricature doll synonymous with Nigger) supermodel“. Not for nothing, I would have probably called her that too and a few more things for added flavor.

All of these incidents led up to yesterday’s aforementioned incident, where she allegedly  punch-slapped her limousine driver, apparently because she believed that he had attempted to cover up lies for her former lover, Vladislav Doronin, a Russian real estate czar. What is hilarious about this whole episode is that my man pulled over in the middle of the street to get the police, and Campbell got her Flo-Jo on to evade yet another arrest.

This plethora of criminal charges has never amounted to anything more than anger management classes and community service, which she somehow flipped into great PR for her “Bad Bitch” image.

As a society, this is where have we gone dead wrong. We have allowed this woman to humiliate people, with little more than a slap on the wrist. This is the type of bullsh!t that has all of these little snobby Sweet 16 watching girls out here asking their parents for Gucci and Louis Vuitton apparel, when many cannot even spell or pronounce either, so they can be “divas”. We glorify these silly ass industry icons and showcase the lack of accountability for their actions, yet somehow  seem not to understand why our youth also have no fear of repercussion.

Keeping it 100%, y’all know the only reason that she has gotten this off so many times is only because she caught the right ones. Let her try that nonsense with some of our beloved chickenheads in the street. I am telling y’all, while I am not promoting black-on-black violence, I would literally pay to see another sister “go up-top” on Campbell, and drop her ass quicker than Steven Seagal dropped Sticks, the only Kung-Fu trained Asian dude hanging out in a room full of Italian mobsters in Out for Justice.

Campbell better get herself together and fast, because unlike Boomerang, there will be no Marcus Graham to watch over her, and rest assured one of these days, somebody is going to split her wig like a loaf of bread.

Recklessly Yours,

A Negro and A Keyboard

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