By G.I.N.A. (Game Is Not Allowed)

The truth hurts.  It’s more than just a timeless adage it is, well, the truth.  “Keeping it real” can have painful consequences. Those who insist on complete honesty sometimes have a tough time accepting it.  Serving it up “straight with no chaser” sounds great in theory until the receiver hears something that is unsavory to them. Maybe the truth is easier to swallow when given as a placebo.

As my moniker suggests I have no time to beat around the bush or sugar coat anything.  As an adult who deals primarily with other adults I try to be as honest as possible when asked to “speak my mind”.  Those who know me have had years of experience with my form of honesty.  While others struggle with piecing words together correctly so as not to offend, I’m not as interested in such bothersome details.  If there is a topic on the table, let’s discuss.  If I’m asked a question obviously my opinion is required.  Why then should I be held accountable if what comes out of my mouth is not what the recipient wants (or hoped) to hear?  Again, that seems logical.

I’m a firm believer in don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.  In actuality many people really don’t want the truth; they want validation of what they believe the truth to be.  This is especially true when a persons’ character comes into play.  It is easy to accept frankness under superficial conditions (how does my hair look, like these shoes, is there a booger in my nose?).  What happens when character flaws or life choices come under fire.  When we have those intimate conversations with those dear to us how should we handle the tough questions?  How far should we go before the naked truth becomes hurtful?

Not too long ago I had a conversation with a good friend.  We were discussing relationships and this person shared an experience with me.  At the end of the talk, I was asked “do you think this situation was fair?” I remained quiet for a while before I was urged to “be honest and speak my mind.”  As the warning bells went off in my head I rejected my better judgment and opted for brutal honesty.

I told my friend that while the situation was unfortunate, it could have been avoided had she followed her mind and not allowed someone else to call the shots.  It was the truth.  She foresaw the financial burden that would come about by following someone else’s lead, yet she went ahead anyway.  However, it wasn’t the “truth” she wanted to hear.  One amicable chat transformed into a heated debate because the accuracy of my response was tough to digest.  In the aftermath it was easier for me to be called  insensitive, confrontational, and sarcastic than for her to admit that her poor decision making led her to this point.  It was easier to blame those around her for “pushing” her into making choices she knew were wrong.  I couldn’t sympathize with an adult that so easily succumbed to peer pressure and I didn’t hold my tongue in saying so. Probably not the best decision on my part.

Since then, I’ve considered a dozen ways I could have handled that talk and while I don’t apologize for what I said, I did apologize for any bruised feelings I caused.  Like those with depression, anxiety or phobias I have to accept that the world is not like me.  When I ask for the truth and nothing but, I am already prepared to receive information I may not like, but I have tough skin.  Words don’t have the power to affect me as they do others.  I completely expect and accept when those around me speak freely, no holds barred.  I’m comfortable in that setting because I never have to wonder how a person feels.  Not only that, there may be some aspects of my personality I think are wonderful but are really uninviting (i.e. my bluntness).  Again, that’s just me.  For most folks a smile and a head nod is enough to appease the honesty they are in search of.

For the rest of us, there is never ending conflict with staying true to ourselves (and others) and sparring feelings.  Most times, political correctness is nothing more than a sugar pill administered to make everyone else feel better.  Is holding back the whole truth morally correct for those of us who live and stand by it? I’m still on the fence about that one.  Sometimes honesty is interpreted as malicious intent when nothing is further from the truth.  While “the truth will set us free” it can also cut deep.  There are ramifications for both truth seekers and bearers.  The backlash can sever ties and damage relationships. When it’s our turn to face the music, we all must look in the mirror and ask ourselves: can you handle the truth?

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