By shelz.

I was absolutely floored when I heard that Steve McNair had been murdered. I knew he was a husband and a father. His character hadn’t been maligned in the baller battlefield of public rumor and media innuendo like so many other young athletes reputations had. By all accounts he was a nice guy which made the crime even more heinous. However, as the media unfolded the story of the last few months of his life, the tragedy dropped to an even more malicious abyss as women started responding. There was little to no sympathy. Some women even suggested Mr. McNair got exactly what he deserved.

I immediately conjured a picture of Joey Greco donning a black hood and leading his cheaters off to slaughter after their 30 minutes of infamy elapsed. The victimized spouse hands the condemned a cigarette and asks for last words. Then the firing squad does their duty. No judge. No jury. Just an executioner. It sounds horrifying, but isn’t that what all these ladies were suggesting?

Not that I don’t understand where the bitterness comes from. There are a lot of damaged women out here who have yet to gain control of their psychological pain. It’s ridiculous to expect anyone to be dragged through the mud of emotional turmoil and come out pristine. And when that damage is done over and over again, its miraculous that most come out at all.

Hate though, is not the answer.

And that’s what that overwhelmingly brutal response to his murder was about, wasn’t it? It wasn’t a response to the fact that his little boys are fatherless, Mrs. Mcnair is now a single mom or that a young vibrant man was struck down in his prime. It was about a loathing for the type of ego that would condone cheating and disrespect of a woman he said he would never forsake. It’s that same ego that many of us have encountered. Your hatred for whomever that man was who wronged you was played out vicariously through the former NFL star’s terrible death. But it’s not right.

How about we take a look at the other side.

There are some men who suggest it is the baggage that so many of us carry from one relationship to the other that creates the desire for that wet-behind-the-ears side piece. She is unsullied and a less muddied palette. She hasn’t lived through all you have so your bleakness is replaced by her optimism. Your skepticism is swapped with her hopefulness. And of course the fact that pregnancy has ravaged your body while she has yet to enjoy the disfiguring joys of motherhood doesn’t hurt either. And guess what, that’s not right either. As a matter of fact, Sahel Kazemi allegedly proved that line of thinking dead wrong.

It’s quite the quagmire of tangled feelings and finger pointing and there are legitimate issues on both sides. However, as the male/female experience has started to disintegrate into calls for death and dismemberment, we need to realize that pain and hurt and shifting of responsibility have made it worse.

Yes ladies, we all have to start considering our bit of responsibility even if it is just a bit. We also have to forgive, because if we don’t, that anger will follow us like a shadow into the next episode. And honestly, who wants a frowney faced nag monster beside them every day. Sure, you may not see that as reason for a husband to break his vows, but some men do. And the beginning to fixing the breakdown of the most important of relationships is making an attempt to at least understand the other side; the good, the bad and the ugly.

So did Steve McNair deserve to be murdered? Of course not. And once you unload all the crap that has been draped over your shoulders and realize your anger does not serve you, you might just see that.