By Jordan Forrester

I’ve known forever and a day that single (and some married) men carry around rule books in regards to single female sexual behavior. There’s a long list of do’s that they long for you to provide. Providing said do though will immediately brand you skank and have you relegated to the late night drunk dial rotation. What I didn’t know was how deep the disdain ran and how contrived it is. I guess my question is do men go out of their way to hook up with women they deem offensive? And if so is this yet another sign that men are horrified of being men?

When I suggest a fear of manhood I’m talking about the conventional roles that men play in the family; the husband, provider, father, protector role that is. The first step on that path logically is finding a suitable mate. If no one is suitable you’re always at step one. If you are always at step one, you un-invite yourself from the responsibility that comes with creating a family unit, and something our community is in desperate need of right now.

On one of the very rare occasions when I was allowed to hang out in the basement with my husband and his friends during “man night” without being mistaken for Hazel the Do Girl, I was invited into a very interesting conversation. One of his single friends was going on about some scallywag (his word, not mine) he met at like the gas station or something. He got her number. He called her a few days later and they hooked up the same night. While I do crinkle my nose up a bit at the idea of sex with strangers, I also realize that’s a rule I live by because it works for me so if she felt like giving up the cookies to ole boy, then fine. Of course he felt her behavior was inappropriate and detailed how inappropriate she became that evening. But he called her in the hopes that all of that would happen? He also would have had another set of complaints if she had been the good girl he allegedly respects. She would have been a tease, a prude or a freeloader looking for a sugar daddy without keeping her end of the bargain. It’s a silly catch 22 that just made him appear to either hate women or need an escape route for anything deeper than a booty call.

The cause for this desire to have a hands on physicality with women while having a hands off emotional mentality could be many different things and I will acquiesce enough to admit that some men are just not built for a life of his and hers. However, it’s been my experience that men who are comfortable with their confirmed bachelor status extend that comfort to the women in their lives. Those who are truly happy flying their lives solo accept and enjoy the lustful treats they get from the fairer sex and spend a lot less time dogging them out for their sexual empowerment. Men who spend half their time begging for sex and the other half blasting those who say yes just seem like frightened little boys who want to assert their manhood with their penis and their penis only because the rest of the man ride would be too much for them to handle.

Everybody’s definition of being a man is different, but few thinking folks have boiled it down to one action. It’s usually a combination of several traits that when mixed create a strong, able individual. Regardless of what all these characteristics are, it’s a balancing act for the man involved and it gets challenging at times. But you can’t run from that by blaming the actions of women for your indifference, especially if they are giving you what you ask for. How much sense does that make? None.

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