I am the father of two special, little people. One forging herself into true personhood with agency; the other new to the world, trying to figure it out. Two children, with their own emotions to navigate and minds to be reasoned with. I can tell you first hand it ain’t easy to parent without violence. But those chains had to be broken.
The decisions that fathers make are colored by their childrens’ existence in ways that not even marriage do. Children need a clean name, and something with which, to get started. Not in the hole. It makes navigating this world much easier. We must provide this for our children
The world is in flux. Even our concept of family is increasingly less nuclear. So aside from negotiating with your children and their mother(s), now there additional villagers in your child’s circumference. Including other men.
A father needs to know who these men are, but that relationship does not have to be adversarial. Your children need to be protected not immersed in drama and tumult.
A father must be a teacher. Show your children the way you see the world. Encourage them to understand it through their own lenses. Let them feel dirt beneath their fingernails. Show them the intransience of truth. And that danger doesn’t just come from strangers. Or men. But from all who feel they can take you for a ride.
Dads, be as kind to your children’s mothers as the world will allow. Chances are she will have them more than you will and your babies will only be as safe, protected, and stable as she is. Avoid the courts whenever possible. They will exacerbate tensions.
Take time for yourself. Not selfish time. But real healing time. Center yourself. We dont need more martyrs. No more strong, silent 40-year- old heart attacks. See the doctor. EAT SOME VEGGIES. Vent. Share with your friends. It is not a measure of softness. It is a method of survival. And your seeds need you. Do some push-ups or something.
Happy Father’s Day to all of you. Be the very best fathers you can be. And then be better. If your seeds don’t live with you, call them. Talk to them. Be interested in their world. They want your time. They need your time. Your money is NOT a substitute.
Fathers are the most important variable in this equation. The outcomes of children who grow up without active fathers are multiple more suboptimalsuboptimal than when you are present. That is fact. Demand more from yourselves. Demand more from your children. Demand more from the women with whom you share children.
Live good. Be well. Happy Father’s Day to you all.
