Nobody’s perfect has become the cultural response to the proliferation of pieces of shit masquerading as human beings these days. We live in a spin driven world that mutes responsibility and normalizes the foulest of behaviors (hail to the chief!). Last weekend, serial pedophile and vile trash human being R. Kelly dropped the musical equivalence of nobody’s perfect with his 19 (yes 19) minute ode to his own horrendous pedophile history (among other things), I Admit on his Instagram account. Despite a litany of events spanning over a generation which includes marrying a 15 year old, alleged kidnapping, video evidence of urinating on minors and much more, R.Kelly leaves all rational listeners befuddled at his extraordinary lack of connectivity, particularly in the midst of the #metoo era.
The 19 minute work is an exercise in pseudo self-deprecation; an attempt to parry the slings and arrows of opposing fortune by addressing his flaws, himself. The idea, is to get his story out in front and control the narrative while humble bragging about bottles popped, money blown, and that he fucked “a couple fans ,” “a nigga’s bitch,” and “my girlfriend’s best friend.” Yes, I self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. Yes, I dropped out of high school, couldn’t read a teleprompter, and “I can’t spell for shit.” But hey, nobody’s perfect. Oh and the obligatory should out to his dead homie Kevin (R.I.P.).
Kelly croons, clearly without a clue:
How they gone say I don’t respect these women, when all I’ve done is represent/Take my career and turn it upside down cause you mad I’ve got some girlfriends
Not only is he nobody’s perfecting, but also employing the tried and true response to criticism, hater accusation. Sigh. He continues, common sense be damned, to question whether the opinion of decency at large is grounds for imprisonment or a career halting. R. Kelly sings (without a hint of whimsy or irony):
You many have your opinions, entitled to your opinions/but really am I supposed to go to jail because of your opinions?
No, sir. You’re supposed to go to jail because you are a child predator.
Kelly goes on to leverage his art as cultural currency to buy himself respite from the growing (finally) crowd of naysayers. He references 12 Play and Bump and Grind and his changing the game musically to muddy the waters, similar to how America got Dr. Huxtable and Bill Cosby twisted and gave him a longer leash than he deserved because of his contribution to the lives of Generation Xers. By the way, he foolishly compares himself favorably to the recently convicted Cosby as well
Eventually, he goes to that bastion of tried and true R. Kelly supporters, Black women, so see if he can eek out the remaining drops of sympathy his music catalog can buy. Kelly alludes to the ongoing struggle of the Black man and the things they go through. Then he provides the mitigating circumstance: he was molested by a family member from a child up to age 14. Those who follow these sorts of things have already either know or reasoned this out, but a reason is not an excuse as we have seen both legally and socially. Knowing why R. Kelly became a predator does not mean he gets sympathy for the lives he has personally destroyed.
If you are interested in hearing his mea culpa and you want to throw away almost 20 minutes of your life, you can listen to it. I don’t know whether R. Kelly thinks this is a calculated Hail Mary or a desperate attempt to cover the holes in the hull of his sinking ship. But this exercise is more ridiculous than Trapped in the Closet episodes 1 through 35. The truth is stranger and much viler than fiction.
Eventually R. Kelly will be worth less to the world than what he produces. There will be no more love to step in the name of. Years ago, I read an interview with Aaliyah’s mother. She said Aaliyah was never the same after R. Kelly, who impregnated her and gave her 100 dollars for an abortion. I’m not a fan of her music, but she was a 14 year old Black girl. 13 when Kelly shouted her out on his first single “She’s Got That Vibe” (“little cute Aaliyah’s gooot it”). Fuck him. and his dyslexia. And his mismanaged assets. And his unfortunate victimization. Perhaps I am being too harsh. I mean, nobody’s perfect.
