By shelz.

I’m curious. How can you pick games when the Buffalo Bills are in first place in the AFC East with a 2-2 record and the NFC South is the worst division in the league. But as bad as they are, the Bucs still beat the Steelers? NONE OF THIS should be happening and if Tomlin thinks his team’s issues begin and end with penalties, he’s crazy or blind or both. It’s early. Yes, I know. But the Bengals are sitting on top of everybody’s power rankings and that’s just not right. At least Phillip Rivers isn’t a disappointment. Neither are the Ravens.

The defense is hot. The offense is hotter. Steve Smith looks like a spring chicken. The O-line hasn’t skipped a beat in the loss of Eugene Monroe and Elvis is in the building every week. Be afraid Indy. Be very afraid. Speaking of that… it’s time for week 5.

Ravens vs Colts

The next chick vs. the ex-chick… it’s about to be a …B-more fight. And we all know the head coach of the Colts is the ex DC of the Ravens so he’s not prepping cold. This game should be good. I see talking heads near and far want to snatch Peyton’s title and anoint Andrew as the new football Jesus, but the Luck stops here. His two miraculous performances were against the Titans and the Jags, so excuse me for not being hella impressed. The Ravens aren’t flashy. No huge records will be broken. But Chuck Pagano and his piped in fans hearts will be 8 yards at a time. Ravens notch another W.

I predict Owen Daniels puts it down. Start him if you got him. If you don’t, go get him.

Bengals vs Patriots

Sigh… I want Brady to pull this out, but I just can’t see the logic in how New England has handled its human resources lately. Pats are on short rest and traveling. Bengals are coming off a bye and are in the comfy confines of the jungle. The Pats actually have a pass rush this year and their secondary isn’t looking too shabby either. Well, not all the time anyway.  I’m sure Brady isn’t used to people saying he’s wack, so he’s probably really mad and he plays well mad. The Ravens need them to beat the Bengals. My lucky rabbits foot tells me this week is THE week. Pats for the win… crosses fingers and toes.

Steelers vs Jags

Anything can happen. It’s the new NFL mantra. The Jags can win this game. Why not? New shiny QB. At home. Against a Steeler team that has no issues but penalties. Wink, Wink.  I said last week I would look like Boo Boo the fool if I picked the Steelers over the Bucs. This week, not so much. And since I’m rolling strictly with heart and rabbit’s feet this week, I say go Jags. How funny will Snoop Dogg’s tweets be if the Steelers lose this game? That hope is enough to make me pick Jacksonville.

Browns vs Titans

The Titans won’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe or the receiver 80 yards from the line of scrimmage acting like he’s talking to a coach either. I have no respect for that Cleveland offense. I’m picking Tennessee because that was some dumb sh1t. I know it was two weeks ago. It was still some dumb sh1t.

Vikings vs Green Bay

You can say the Vikings looked good last week. Or you can just say the Falcons looked really bad. Both are true. Green Bay however… my bad… discount double check… looked fantastic. His defense still sux, but if he can bring some of last week’s mojo into Sunday, Minnesota doesn’t have a chance. A hobbled Bridgewater won’t be able to keep up.

Giants vs Falcons

It takes a lot for me to say Eli is going to win a game. But the Falcons have given me ample reason. That defense is in shambles, but it’s still better than the offensive line, which is well, offensive. The Falcons started the season looking like January games were in their future. They still are. They will just be at the bar watching them if they stay this particular course. Sad story. Eli for the win… *cringes*

Saints vs Bucs

Who knows? Seriously. Reflex is to say home dome ass whoopin’ in effect. Saints by a hundred thousand trillion. But something is wrong here and it’s more than Ryan. They should win, but hell, lots of teams should have won games they lost this year. No one in this division is in must-win territory yet because the whole division is jacked, but the Saints will act like they have to have it. The Bucs are used to losing. Saints at home by at least one point because that’s all you need to win.

Chefs (Not a typo) vs 49ers

I love to watch Alex Smith win. I love to watch Kaperscam lose. I would totally love to watch Smith beat Copernicus in the new, pristine stadium he thought he was going to play in. So it is written, so shall it be. Fuck the Niners. Chefs for president.

Bills vs Lions

I’m not quite sure why Suh would want to leave Detroit this year. They may actually be the sum of all their awesome parts for the first time ever. Some guy named Kyle Orton will be starting on Sunday as QB for Buffalo because EJ Manuel is ass. Buffalo’s defense is pretty okay, but no one is safe with Stafford & Co. in the house these days. And Orton against that Lion front looks like a bad thing waiting to happen. Bills to relinquish 1st place as Detroit motors on.

Eagles vs Rams

See. What did I tell you about the Faulk/Holt curse. Now the Rams defense sux as much as their offense. The draft is in April St Louis. Look forward to it.

Jets vs Chargers

I don’t even have to type anything. Do I? Phillip! Phillip! Phillip!

Anywho, some other teams are playing, like the Seahawks and the Broncos. I know these games are important to some of you, but my hateration lives on. Pick who you want. I’m out. Oh, one more thing.

RAVENS!