By shelz.

Wooow. So this Ray Rice thing has grown to some kind of beastly proportions, right?  Now the FBI, CIA, DEA, Illuminati and even Control are involved.  If anyone can get to the bottom of this, it’s agent 99.  I see this as pretty simple.  People knew it, ignored it and tried to go on with business as usual.  You don’t need 48 lawyers and Maxwell Smart to figure that out.  Seriously.  If these kinds of resources were garnered for women who actually wanted to leave their abusive husbands, every woman in the world would be safe.  Just saying. Anyway.  Moving on.

How about that week one nonsense.  Really Tom Brady?  Really? I can’t with last week so I’m going to act like it didn’t happen.  Here’s what I’m thinking about in week 2.

Ravens vs Steelers

Last time the Ravens had a player steeped in felonious controversy they went to the Superbowl.  Wait… no.  I forgot about Jamal Lewis and that whole cocaine situation. But anyway, they still have to start winning games.  I say they start Thursday.  They have to start Thursday.  For the love of all that is purple, I demand they start Thursday. The Steelers D was run down half way through the third quarter by Bryan Hoyer.  I think Flacco might be a tad better and the Steelers out of shape asses are playing on short rest.  Ravens win.

Falcons vs Bengals

Oh there is such joy in Mudville.  Both of these teams beat divisional rivals in heartbreaking fashion last week.  Both have talented QB’s who haven’t. quite. been. able. to. get. over. the. hump.  “Maybe it’s finally my year,” they both thought as they smiled broadly while walking off the field with optimism brewing all around…

**Record Scratch**

Ahhhhhh. No.  At least not for the Bengals and at least not this week.  Saints D was no slouch last year and Matty Ice still sliced them up in a way that made some moron commentator compare him to Brett Favre.  Just one more week Matty Ice.  One more.  Then you and the dirty birds can lose as much as you want. Welcome to the jungle my ass… Death to the Tiggers Matty. Make it happen!

Saints vs. Browns

Yes the Saints defense got picked apart last week by Matt Ryan who managed like 5,632 yards.  But this is Bryan Hoyer.  The Brownies have home field advantage, but they’re the Brownies. The Saints have to get back on track and they will use Cleveland to do so.  Who Dat Nation can take their bags off now.  Saints win.

Jaguars vs Skins

Sigh… Um. Yeah.  I have no idea.

Cards vs Giants

I’m not sure what to make of the controversy over Larry Fitzgerald’s dad tweeting that his kid wasn’t thrown the ball last Sunday due to team politics.  Could there be a ripple in the Arizona water?  Only time will tell.  What I do know is that one handed catch Fitz made, albeit out of bounds, was a thing of beauty. Oh and the Giants are dreadful.  Cards by plenty.

Pats vs Vikes

Tom Brady said he will retire when he sucks.  I hope he proves he doesn’t suck this weekend because I’m going with the Pats.

Rams vs Bucs

I think after all the hoopla involved in Lovie Smith’s hiring with all that talk about the NFL whiffing on black coaches there is a substantial amount of pressure on Smith.  I mean no one wants to hear he was hired simply because he was black and Tony Dungey gave him the thumbs up. K. Maybe it’s just me that doesn’t want to hear that.  But hell, if he’s going to win a game, this one should be it.  The Rams looked pretty awful last week and if you can’t beat them you probably can’t beat anyone except maybe the ‘skins.  I give this to Tampa. Go Lovie!

Seahawks vs. Chargers

I love Phillip Rivers.  I hate the Seahawks.  Booooooooo. I mean.  It could happen.

49ers vs Bears

Last week, the 49ers finally proved that they do indeed have an offense.  Last week, the Bears proved that they don’t have a run defense.  Oh and Jeffrey and Marshall have both missed practice this week.  Yikes. San Fran wins.

Dolphins vs Bills

How long will the elation last?  Is Buffalo on some sort of yearly let down countdown?  Yup.  In three days things will get back to normal and Cameron Wake will remind EJ Manuel how bad things really are.

Panthers vs Lions

Cat fight! This game should be pretty interesting.  Cam is back. The Lions offense looked pretty good last week. Calvin Johnson is Calvin Johnson.  I think the Panthers D might be the difference maker here. Sorry Detroit.

I’m sure someone else is playing this week like football Jesus and the Raiders or something, but I’m not concerned with any of that.  Someone tell discount double check he needs his ‘stache and ummm Raji to win.  Until next week folks…

RAVENS!