By shelz.
Normally there isn’t much excitement on my Ravens twitter feed. It’s the Ravens. I mean they spend most of their time tweeting bible verses and affirmative quotes. Every once in a while there’s a charity event invite, but believe it or not, this is a pretty boring group of dudes. Save Justin Tucker, who spends most of his Twitter life playing star struck to his lady friend. The fact that I read Justin Tucker tweets is sad. The fact that I awww at them like I know him or something just means I’m probably going to be a recluse cat lady one day, but I still have time to fight that. I don’t even like cats.
I kinda bemoan the fact that the Ravens don’t have any tawdry Twitter stars and have been saving the vajayjay pics and footage of flying midget strippers for teams like Dallas and Arizona. (Side note: If you do not follow Darnell Docket on Twitter, there’s no point in you using it.) But at least I can still respect myself and my favorite team after perusing my mentions. Even Bryant Mckinnie fails to amuse and I know if he only tweeted 1/100th of his weekend I’d have to repent weekly for just thinking about looking at it.
The NFL news outlets aren’t much better. These folks have allowed Ron Burgundy to take over in a pirate style only known to CBS commercial breaks and 7 Nation Army interludes at sporting events. It’s aggravating enough that I hope no one watches the movie, or buys a Yodge filled with gum. Just when I had poured my last out for Dan Dierdorf and his gawd awful commentatory nonsense, here comes this guy.
Then there are the random tweets with everyone spewing about what gulag they think Mike Tomlin should be shipped to or how former Raven Ralph Staten went all Cops: Special Edition on those piglets down in Mississippi after they blue lighted him for driving like Heinz Ward. There were a host of charges including being a dumb ass. Okay they didn’t say that. I did. But there’s nothing dumber than driving around high with drug stuff in the car especially if you’re already a “person of interest” in a missing person case. Life after football man….
Anyway, someone tweeted the Skins should totally change their name check Cousins into the fold to see if the defenders will actually block for him. Jason Campbell has been cleared according to the Browns Twitter to play this weekend, so Cleveland fans can leave the pitch forks and torches at the house and Pats CB Alphonso Dennard is back in the news because he was driving around drunk in Nebraska earlier this year and that was a violation of the probation he got for kicking some cop’s ass back in 2012. So I guess now is the time for him to tell it to the judge. The Patriots really need to stop trolling Scared Straight casting calls for players.
Oh and then there’s that awful footage of Michael Irvin dropping a Ravens helmet into a fish tank because he thinks the Ravens are going to sink in the final stretch of the season. Is it me or does the NFL network have, hands down, the corniest fuckin segments known to sports programming? The Vaudevillian touch Irvin and Sapp offer is hurl-worthy . Argh. Awfulness. If only the commentators at Fox could stop saying ummm repeatedly, they might give the NFL Network a run for their money.
Well there you go. My twitter feed for the week. I wish Mr. Staten the best, but it appears he hasn’t been bailed out so he needs more than wishes right now. And someone make Irving fish that Ravens helmet out of the tank. He will be replacing it with a Dallas one later.
Ravens!
