By shelz.

Last week I thought it was Pittsburgh, but I guess I was wrong. Now the Steelers, Ravens and Browns are all tied for 2^nd place (or last place depending on how grumpy you are) in the AFC North and the two AFC 6^th seed front-runners (Jets, Dolphins) are only one game ahead.

However, the lack of consistency is going to make for one crazy @ss December. I’m no mathematician, but short of the Jaguars and possibly the Texans, every team in the AFC still has a chance to go to the playoffs (even the Raiders.) Then on top of that, the Jags and Texans are playing each other in week 12. That means every other game this week involving an AFC team will be seen as a “must-win.” Every d@mn one. You know which two I’m most interested in, so let’s take a peek.

Ravens vs Jets

You know how in these werewolf movies there is the same premise? The manwolf fights the urge to kill people while he’s still partially a man, but once the wolf takes over, not even his beloved girlfriend/wife/fiancé is safe? Well that’s how I see Geno Smith, he’s been fighting his sh1tty, not ready for prime time alter ego all season, but I think after last week that character has taken over. The Jets are no longer safe.

Prediction: Smith doesn’t perform well with pressure and pressure is one thing the Ravens have. Expect youngin to spend a good portion of the game running for his life. The Jets do have a legitimate run defense, but it looks like the Ravens have sorta figured out how to get Rice moving. Flacco will have to throw the ball more this week. If he isn’t throwing it to Ed Reed, the Ravens should be in business. Ravens by at least a touchdown because I’m sick of this sudden death FG stuff.

Steelers vs. Browns

I wish they could both lose.

Prediction: Does anyone think the Browns have a chance? It depends on Jason Campbell. The Browns defense ravaged poor Dalton last week, but still managed to lose by like 1000 points. If Campbell can muster a decent game, Browns win. And because I’m anti-Steeler fan. I say he does. Browns in a low scoring, ugly, snoozer of a contest.

What else? Well I’m about to tell you.

Falcons vs Saints

If Atlanta has any rise up left, it will manifest in this game. Not that it will keep them from losing, but it could keep them from getting embarrassed.

Prediction: A back up QB and a 4^th string RB whomped this squad last week. Now they have Brees, Thomas, Stills and Graham coming to town. The Falcons simply do not have the human resources to slow down the Saints offense. Sorry.

Panthers vs Dolphins

This should be good. Two teams that actually have good defenses, playing each other, at the same time. But the Panthers are displaying some balance and Miami has no offensive line. If they can keep Sir Brady in check, they shouldn’t have any issue with Tanney Hill.

Prediction: River Boat Ron leads this pack a little closer to the post season promised land. The Flippers continue to tread water. This game should not be close. Panthers by a lot.

Broncos vs Patriots

All the fawning over this game is enough to make anyone who isn’t a Pats or Broncos fan hurl. Is it deserved? Probably, but who cares. The Broncos don’t have the defense the Panthers do, but I worry about New England’s ability to stop the Broncos air game. Umm…and Knowshawn Moreno. I just can’t see it happening. With elder QB supremacy on the line, the Patriots will come up short in their own house.

Prediction: Denver keeps rolling. Pats drop their 2^nd in a row. Which is totally okay because everyone in the AFC East is going to lose on Sunday. Well, except the Bills and that’s just because they are on a bye.

Chargers vs Chiefs

The Chargers have to win to stay in contention (just like every team in the AFC playing this week not called the Pats, Broncos or Chiefs), but they won’t. The Chiefs have a great defense and the Chargers don’t have one at all.

Prediction: Alex Smith baby steps up and down the field all day. Chiefs score on every drive. Lol…Not really, but close.

Bucs vs Lions

I was absolutely appalled by the Lions loss last week, but I was right on the money with the Bucs win over the Falcons. Is Tampa for real? I don’t know, but they are for really going to lose this game on Sunday. Revis might keep Calvin Johnson from winning every battle, but he won’t keep him from winning them all. Not with Stafford throwing the ball.

Prediction: Tampa puts up a valiant fight, but no cigar. It’s not going to be an @ss whopping but an L is an L.

Bears vs Rams

Don’t ask Bernie Kosar about this game. Just know he’s probably rooting for the Bears.

Prediction: I don’t care who wins, but I do like the Rams defense. That’s enough for me. Rams by a field goal. Or a touchdown. Or two.

49ers vs Skins

I’m not a stat hoarder, but I’m pretty sure the Skins defense is in or hovering near the basement in every statistical category these football nerds capture. I’d love to watch the 49ers lose three in a row, but RGIII isn’t good enough to overcome all the mediocrity around him.

Prediction: This week Colin Kaepernick actually looks as good as everyone thinks he is. 49ers by at least 10.

Cowboys vs Giants

Who the hell knows? These two teams are as bi polar as they come. However, the Giants manic phase is in full force and Dallas’ defense might be as bad as Washington’s. Then again, Eli might throw 10 interceptions to Sean Lee. Who, by the way, won’t even be on the field. Your guess is as good as mine and I’m the only one who hates watching games that have two teams with similarly colored uniforms?

Prediction: I’m giving this to the Giants because I’m adding Cruz back to my starting fantasy line up. And I’d like to win this week. For a change.

Texans vs Jaguars

You can say the same thing about both teams. “If they are going to win another game, it will be this week.” But which one actually wins? Ed Reed says Wade Phillips doesn’t understand how to scheme for the strengths of his players. But even in a bad fit, the Texans defense should be able to contain Chad Henne.

Prediction: Texans win and blame the entirety of their shit season on Ed Reed’s negativity.

See, now this is the point at which I notice there are other games on the schedule, but I determine I care so little about them I can’t muster the key strokes to cover them. Pack vs. Vikes (makes face) Colts vs Cards (makes ugly face) Titans vs. Raiders (stops typing)

Ravens!