By shelz.
If I could start again. A million miles away. I would keep myself. I would find a way. ~ Nine Inch Nails – “Hurt”
What song sums up the first half of the 2013 Ravens season better? As a matter of fact, I’ll take the Johnny Cash cover instead, if only for the hollow, disaffected delivery.
Being a Ravens fan is starting to become a hard path to trot. This isn’t like being a Tampa or Jacksonville fan; going into games knowing your team has very little chance of winning. Of course not. The Ravens have never made it that kind of easy for their fans. They lose like they win; in the waning fucking seconds of the game after creeping up on a lead or giving one away. It’s normally close. It’s normally winnable and it’s enough to make you dust off some old Natalie Merchant CD’s.
But the season is far from over and I’m not the kind of fan that gives up easily. That would fly in the face of what I do here; which is predict victory for Baltimore week after week after doom filled week. But it just so happens there is no Ravens game this Sunday. So since its bye week, I can spend all my time and resources talking ish about everyone else’s favorite team because that’s what salty fans of teams with losing records do. I’m going to start with the AFC North and keep it short. You already know what I’m about to say so why be long winded about it?
Bengals lose.
Browns lose.
Steelers LOSE!!!!!!!
Who are they playing? Fluck if I know. Fluck if I care. They are playing teams that will win this week. Moving on.
You know the quarterback carousel has gotten out of control when the Rams ask Brett Favre to consider unretiring (really Rams? He’s only like 62 years old)and Jeff Garcia goes on record with his own desire to return to the field. Tim Tebow is still out there St. Louis. I’m just saying. After Foles got wasted, it looks like Vick will be leading the Eagles this week. Cleveland is starting Jason Campbell and Freeman’s concussion puts Christian Ponder back in the driver’s seat for the Vikes. You got all that?
So with all the injury musical chairs, what teams are coming out on top this week? Well, we have the Giants vs the Eagles, the 49ers vs the Jags, the Cowboys vs the Lions, the Bills vs the Saints, the Redskins vs the Broncos, the Packers vs the Vikings, the Falcons vs the Cards, the Seahawks vs the Rams and the Dolphins vs the Patriots. I’ll start with the easy ones.
Panthers vs Bucs
The only way the Bucs win is if the Panthers defenders are afraid to touch them. I’m curious if Schiano’s bull-headed staff will actually let Revis play man this week. I’m even more curious if it will even matter.
Bills vs Saints
The Bills defense is good, but Drew Brees is better.
Falcons vs Cards
Getting rid of Carson Palmer is the best thing the Bengals have ever done. Getting Steven Jackson back is the best thing the Falcons could ever wish for (short of Julio Jones of course). Maybe if Fitzgerald was catching falling cheerleaders instead of Palmer passes the Cardinals would have a chance. But he’s not and they don’t.
49ers vs Jags
I know a Jacksonville fan who thinks the Jags can pull this out. He’s wrong.
Cowboys vs Lions
The no defense bowl. Man I don’t know. I just can’t pick Dallas. Maybe it’s my ridiculously unfounded dislike for Dez Bryant. Maybe it’s my love for how awesome Calvin Johnson looks in a suit. Maybe it’s the fact that Dallas’ pass defense is abysmal and Megatron is the best receiver in the league. Yup, that’s probably it.
Skins vs Broncos
Was last week the turning point? Do the Broncos go on a losing skid from which they can never recover? Does Manning’s sore ankle spell the end for red hot Denver? Ummm. No.
Dolphins vs Patriots
I’m starting Brian Hartline this week in fantasy because almost all my real starters are on byes. Can the Dolphins win? Sure they can with the Patriots decimated defense. Will they? At Foxboro? After the Pats lost to the Jets? Doubt it.
Seahawks vs Rams
The Rams just called Brett Favre. Enough said.
Eagles vs Giants
How do you predict this one? Is Vick really healthy? Can the Giants handle LeSean McCoy? Do the G Men have a run in them? I think the answer to all those questions is no. The NFL’s most hated player hobbles to another win.
So there you have it. Week 8 will soon be in the books and next week I will have reason to again laud my favorite team whether they deserve it or not. Rice says he’s got his explosiveness back. Monroe will have some more time to gel with his new teammates. The Ravens worked out Beanie Wells. It could be good. Hopefully.
You could have it all. My empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt.
Snif.
Ravens!
