By shelz.
The team shuffle continues in Baltimore as they have recently cut Michael Huff and Marcus Spears, opting for their rookie players at those respective positions. They also added a running back named Bernard Scott to the roster. All I know about this dude is he used to play for the Bengals and he looks like this man who used to live next door to me that sold meat out of a freezer on the back of his pick-up truck. Hopefully, it’s not the same person. I don’t trust pick-up truck steaks or the people that sell them.
His addition gives some depth to the two person combo that currently handle 100% of the running duties for Baltimore. All six yards of them. Excuse my lack of enthusiasm, but I’m about exhausted with the lack of pound, ground and everything else that’s missing this year in the Ravens game.
Anyway, doubting aside; it could be a good change. Poor Beanie Wells tore his Achilles during his audition for the club. No offense to Beanie or his ankle, but better during the audition than during the first game. It was probably a sign that he wasn’t the one. Maybe meat guy will be. Welcome sir, but leave the bacon wrapped filets at home. Preciate it. On with the show.
The Ravens bye week forced me to watch games that the Ravens were not participating in. So I got a good look at some teams that are stinking up the league worse than my beloved birds. Below are some of my thoughts.
Atlanta – I have washed my hands of this team. I will no longer let them embarrass me by suggesting they have a chance to win. The very next and last time they will be mentioned in this
column is when they play the Saints because I can’t just gush about Drew Brees without mentioning the squad he’s about to annihilate.
St Louis – If Robert Quinn doesn’t kidnap Kellen Clemens and tie him to a tree deep in the woods, the fans should. What a waste of a beautiful defensive performance last week. Word to Bernie Kozar.
Philadelphia – Seriously? How awful. I dropped all they asses from my fantasy team. Each and every one.
Now that week 8? Umm 9? H3ll if I know. The season rolls on and here’s what’s going to happen this Thursday/Sunday/Monday. Because I said so.
Ravens vs Browns
It’s a must win, so they will. I still believe because well… I’m a homer. Besides the Browns redux have never once beat their ancestors. Ever. And the Ravens haven’t lost after a bye since like ‘91 and they didn’t even exist back then. There’s no point in ending either of those trends now.
Steelers vs Patriots
The Patriots front seven might be as bad off as Pittsburgh’s offensive line. I expect that this will give Mr. Extend-A-Play lots of leeway to find his receivers. Also, Bell, even behind the Steelers’ shit blocking, might just see some light and run for a few only because the Pats won’t be stout enough to stop him on every play. But Brady is going to play like a man with a moat. Because he is. Steelers drop to 2-6 and Tomlin removes the showers from the facility as punishment so the team can stink literally as much as they stink figuratively. I just wish they would wear their throwback uni’s this week so they could look as bad as they play.
Bengals vs. Dolphins
It’s short rest, as this is Thursday night’s game and I’m absolutely in love with Miami’s defensive line. Tanney Hill and his O-line, not so much. And that’s a problem when you have Cincy’s defense looming. It could happen though. Let’s bow our heads Raven Nation. I never ever thought I’d root for Mike Wallace, but it is what it is.
Skins vs Chargers
The AFC playoff picture is far from set, but there are a few points that can’t be ignored. The West is obviously going to add two teams to the post season mix which leaves about 54 teams vying for one wildcard spot. That includes the Ravens unless they can go on a two month winning spree. So for realism’s sake, it’s time to wish bad things on teams like the Chargers and Dolphins (except for this week of course). The Chargers and the Skins have pretty bad defenses, so this is another game that will depend on who holds the ball last. I predict (hope, pray) it will be DC.
Colts vs Texans
Upset of the week? Me thinking the Texans can beat the Colts? Texans are at home. Case Keenum has had time to get comfortable. Colts don’t have Reggie Wayne. You know I would never pick the Texans to win, but this is the only possible upset I see this week. So if you want to, you can.
Cowboys vs Vikings
How much do you want to bet Dez Bryant gets targeted 1,635 times in this game? I also believe while not eclipsing Megatron’s ridonkulous numbers from last Sunday, he will come close. Or maybe he screams one too many times at Whitten, takes a crack to the noggin and goes out with a concussion. Either way, there’s no chance in hell the Vikings pull this out. AP is a shell of his former self and Leslie Frazier is probably going to start himself at quarterback this week.
Bucs vs Seahawks
Seahawks looked like ass last week. But Tampa looks like ass every week. Easy pick here. Moving on.
Eagles vs Raiders
Terrell Pryor probably had more fantasy points against the Steelers than my entire fantasy team had last week. But this is real football and well… Terrell Pryor will have more real points than the entirety of the Eagles this week. Such a promising start to Philly’s revamped dynasty; but this year isn’t going to end pretty. The Raiders aren’t great, but they are good enough to beat Chip Kelly’s hollowed out squad.
There are some other games this week but …so. You can read another column if you need someone to tell you whether the Jets will beat the Saints.
A few for the road…
If Golden Tate had run out of bounds while waving goodbye to the Rams secondary, I would have still been laughing right now. If he had been tackled, I would have fell out and died right where I stood. True story.
Terrell Owens said the only reason folks had an issue with Dez Bryant’s sideline show last week is because he’s black. Even I, Dez Bryant hater #1, can admit that the immediate response was too harsh considering we didn’t even know what he was saying. I’ll go even further and suggest anyone that can make a catch like his 2nd touchdown deserves to yell at anyone he wants to. TO has a legitimate point as very little in this culture isn’t shaded by race, but since it came out of his mouth, it will be ignored. From now on, if he has anything of substance to say, he should write it down and give it to Donovan McNabb to repeat. Wait… Never mind.
I vote that Mike Mayock and John Gruden are cloned so all football games can have some decent commentary. The folks working the Ravens games for CBS are horrible. Just horrible. Dan Fouts… you are horrible! And the fact that you stand out as horrible when you are sitting next to Marv Albert is … horribler.
RAVENS!
