By shelz.
I didn’t do too well last week. Eli Manning is circling the drain, Tom Brady’s spirit was broken and the Atlanta Falcons are probably the biggest disappointment of the season. I knew some of this before I wrote last week’s piece, but my bleeding heart wouldn’t allow me to face the truth. The G-Men are officially washed while the Falcons are devoid of the finishing punch and it appears Julio Jones as well. But I’m not going to dwell. The Ravens won. Onward and upward folks.
For week six, Green Bay is on the road at the big bank and they won’t have Clay Matthews. Barring something pretty alarming occurring, Mckinnie should be put in time out. And a little birdy told me Jacoby Jones and Marlon Brown should be back in the game time fold and Stokely has been re-signed. I like the Ravens chances here. Only issue on the horizon is the Ravens secondary still allowing speedsters behind them. It didn’t spell disaster last Sunday, but unlike Mike Wallace, the Pack’s receivers can actually catch. It’s something the coaching staff in Bmore might want to look into.
The most important thing for this game will be to keep Aaron Rogers off the field. To make that happen, the Ravens offensive line is going to have to do better and I anticipate that they will with the formal introduction of Eugene Monroe. Rice and Pierce will have to put in major work to keep the clock ticking and 3rd down conversions will be at a premium. Discount double-check is already at a podium using phrases like “win on the road.” I don’t like it.
Prediction: The Ravens kick the Pack’s ass all over that field and McCarthy makes the entire team fly home in grill class. That will be all.
What else is up? Not much. Most of these games are of the obvious variety (except the Pats/Saints game). Only things worth talking about would be upsets, but outside of anyone who foolishly thinks the Packers are going to beat the Ravens, which is probably everybody but me, there aren’t any upsets to speak of. But I gotta type something right?
Broncos vs Jaguars
Man, I really wish the Jags would hurry up and take Bryant Mckinnie already. Seeing him in a Ravens uniform, even if on the bench, is just irritating. But that’s neither here nor there. The Jaguars will probably be allowed a modicum of space to pad fantasy numbers and around the middle of the third quarter, Manning and company will employ their mercy offense. All rock. No paper. No scissors. This game is going to be ass. [Ed note you see the spread? Take Jags and the points…if you are betting]
Saints vs Pats
Did you see that turtle neck? Brady was totally dressed like a man with a moat after Sunday’s loss to the Bengals. Just wish he was that slick on the field. Brees is on fire and Rob Ryan has made his trips to the sideline shorter and shorter. Sunday will be no different, but you can’t dismiss Tom Brady. The Saints will though.
Texans vs Rams
Oh how I would love to say Schaub has hit the rockiest of rock bottoms with this one. I mean anything is possible. The Rams defense has some nastiness to it. They have Tavon Austin returning punts. Jared Cook could come out of fantasy retirement just to make my week. It could happen if it weren’t for Sam Bradford. Damn you Sam Bradford.
Lions vs Browns
I actually saw this headline on the sports page of a Cleveland newspaper. “Browns Win Again, But Are They Elite?”
**record scratch**
Even I can admit the Browns have been an unpleasant surprise in the AFC North, but my vocabulary can’t begin to express how outrageous that question is. Time to put this group of dudes, who came out the tunnel last week dressed like Mr. Hankey, back in their place. They drop the next four, starting with an angry Detroit. Yes, even without Megatron.
Steelers vs Jets
Ryan Clark told Skip Bayless the Steelers are going to the playoffs, and I think he meant this year.
**crickets**
Anyway, the path back to greatness starts with the Jets and that’s obviously not a cakewalk like it used to be. I have no idea who is going to win this game, but I told y’all until the Steelers prove me wrong, I say they lose. So there you go. 0-5.
Eagles vs Bucs
So this high-powered, revamp of the NFL offense isn’t as mystifying as everyone thought it would be. Chip Kelly’s hurry up is still good, but that bird is flying with one wing. Is that enough to beat the Bucs? Probably.
Bengals vs Bills
Looks like the Ravens wont shake the Bengals this week huh? The Bills found some dude at the Waffle House to QB until Manuel’s knee is better. Bengals are going to scatter, cover and smother that ass. The tie continues. Unfortunately.
Giants vs Bears
Mike Vick has served me admirably as my first string fantasy QB, but with his injury (shocked face) I had to look elsewhere. This week its Jay Cutler. Start all of your Bears… All. Of. Them.
There are some other people playing, but I don’t care. I think this week I’ll be watching some preseason basketball. Nets are looking old school smooth right? Or is it just old? I guess time will tell. A few things before I go. Houston, please stay off of Matt Schaub’s lawn. Atlanta, put Tony G out of his misery and send him to Kansas City. Keeping that dude in this program when he deserves a ring is just selfish. Oh and someone please tell Marv Albert the Colts don’t play in Baltimore anymore. Thanks.
Ravens!
