By shelz.
He’s baaaaack…
So Tandon Doss is back in Baltimore. Ummm… Yeah. Excuse my overwhelming elation. I know route running is incredibly complicated and not a skill picked up easily, but he could at least catch the ball once he figures out where he’s supposed to be. Does this speak to the scarcity of receiver talent still sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring? No. It speaks to the fact that the Ravens don’t have time to train newbies on Caldwell’s playbook, they are short on wide outs and return specialists and Ladarius Webb and his new knee shouldn’t be doing either. Now you can rest easy knowing Doss will be doing both.
Sigh…Welcome Tandon and good luck.
Steelers are underdogs in Cincy? You don’t say.
The AFC North starts its in-house rotation this week with the Steelers at Cincy and the Browns at Baltimore. It’s possibly the same exact players from a year ago, but plenty of them represent for a different side. Rainey and Kruger will be picking up their Superbowl rings while wearing Browns uniforms and the rest of the Cleveland squad should soak it in because it’s the closest they will ever get to that kind of hardware. You can bet newly signed Cleveland kicker Billy Cundiff will split the uprights all night out of pride. I’m thinking about adding him to my fantasy team for this week. With no Josh Gordon and (keep your fingers crossed)a more refined Baltimore secondary, he should be pretty busy. That’s if Weeden can stay..well…out of the weeds.
Prediction: Ravens are at home. They are attempting to bounce back from the curb stomp at Mile High. They get their rings Sunday and they are playing Cleveland. Just call Flacco Stella.
The Steelers visit to Cincy is another game I’m looking forward to, as Pittsburgh’s leaky O-line will no doubt be breached regularly by the Bengals pass rush. And yes, the Steelers will have to throw… A LOT. Watching old ass James Harrison drop slow ass Ben Roethlisberger will be a highlight of my week. The Haley sideline meltdown should be just as exciting. Tomlin is probably scouring wiki right now for a bunch of over used quotes for use in his humbling post game presser. I’m popping my popcorn as this is being written.
Prediction: Steelers make the spread look charitable. Todd Haley runs down the tunnel at halftime and never comes back. Mike Tomlin starts stealing quotables from Nietzsche.
Do I Smell An Upset?
The pair of matchups that could possibly fall into this category would be the Pats vs. the Jets and the Titans vs. the Texans. The idea of Geno Smith beating Tom Brady is unfathomable. I know. Just for a second though, imagine a little feel good momentum for a team that hasn’t felt good in some time. And a little dark mojo for a team that has a seriously depleted skill player roster. No Welker. No Hernandez. No Gronk. No Woodhead. No Amendola. No Vereen. Well damn. Maybe the Pats should have picked up Tandon Doss. Yes, the Jets benefited from a late game late hit that could only be outdone in its WTF factor by Brynden Trawick plowing Jacoby Jones. But a win is a win and when dudes feel they have something to offer, they offer it in spades.
Prediction: Who am I kidding? Brady slices up the Jets D with Edelman and Thompkins, sending the Jets home with a healthy dose of self-awareness.
The only reason I’m even bothering to mention the Titans vs. the Texans is because after beating the Steelers last week, Titans defensive end Jurrell Casey said this week the Titans are going to put their collective foot in the Texans’ ass. And this came after he said they stuffed the terrible towels up the Steelers collective ass all game last week. I think this dude’s obsession with man butt is way more interesting than this game will be. I also think someone needs to remind him of the terrible towel curse that befell the Titans after they line danced on them a few years back.
Prediction: Matt Schaub again gives Texans false hope by looking great in regular season. Bernard Pollard pulls a million dollar fine for putting Brady in a figure 4 and someone stuffs a football down Casey’s pie hole.
Manning Mayhem and Other Things I Don’t Give a Sh1t About
I told ya’ll this time last week the only way the Ravens were going to win that game in Denver was if Jimmy Smith was “mistakenly” left at BWI and Wes Welker was “accidentally” locked in a closet. Well, neither happened and we know the gawd awful result. Well now the elder Manning is taking his trio of merry wide outs to New York to face down his lil bro, budding pop star Eli. Someone cares, but it isn’t me. I’m starting both Demaryius Thomas and Victor Cruz because it’s allegedly going to be a shootout.
Prediction: The Giants look as asstastic as they did against Dallas and again come up short on the 4th quarter heroics. For another week Demaryius Thomas gets the wings.
The Eagles are playing the Chargers this week. Chip Kelly hangs at least 40 on them easily. Oh and the Jags are playing the Raiders this week and this will be the first game in NFL history where both teams lose.
Alrighty people, I’m going to call it quits so I can get ready for the sack clinic Suggs and Dumervil are going to perpetrate on poor Weeden. Yes I said perpetrate because it’s going to be criminal. Go Ravens!
“To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” ~ Mike Tom… oh I mean Friedrich Nietzsche.
