By Odeisel

The crowd is always easy to manipulate. Especially when they aren’t in it for real reasons. Hennessy is your default cognac even though you probably don’t have a basis for comparison. I won’t even get started on Ciroc, which has snatched the urban vodka market by the throat. Rum is probably up for grabs, because it’s old school and island centric; no beach no blue water…no rum. And then there’s tequila.

I can’t lie to you most tequila taste like deer piss to me (it’s a euphemism, I have no idea what deer piss tastes like) but I can tell the difference between them. I’d take Don Julio in a heartbeat over that gawdawful Patron and the only tequila I ever really enjoyed was a non-famous brand that was a gift. I’m actually very sorry I don’t recall the name because I would plug it. Very smooth and totally missing the aftertaste that reminds you of drunken spring breaks, taking one for the team and distracting the ugly girl (or guy as it were), and the general drunken hooliganism of youth.

I got an email from some cats touting a tequila called Alacrán. I had never heard of it, and I’m not a lover of tequila, but for the people, I took one for the team and requested a bottle to try. If you’ve been on the Planet, you know that giving me free shit won’t stop me from giving a bad report if your product sucks. My knees are clean. But I have to tell you, that Alacrán has that same smoothness.

I had forgotten about the request when the good folks at UPS delivered the bottle. It has a sexy, smoky, matte-black, frosted glass finished. The logo is minimalist with the name and a scorpion beneath it with a silver circle to complete that dangerous look. If you’re a single person and you have shiny things like black leather, glass tables and contemporary finishes, the bottle will catch an eye.

I cracked the bottle dolo while listening to records in the dark. No ice, no glass. I wanted to really taste it and feel that burn from the first sip without the assistance of ice or the taste of a glass. Alacrán has an above average sweetness with the traditional walk of shame aroma of tequila and it had that same burn (80 proof) but I was not offended and the smooth taste was not followed by any aftertaste or hanging hurt. There are some tingling notes to the side of the tongue but that agave sweetness was great.

Next, I took the swig test. You take a quarter mouthful and let it sit on the front of your tongue, again waiting for the burn. The sweetness really comes out then. The swig test is useful for burning the smell of pussy from your mouth before you go home to kiss your girlfriend or to cleanse your mouth of the drunker hooker spit earned from a night of going a wee bit too far. But I digress. Alacrán again passed with flying colors. I would actually drink this without hiding it in a cocktail like a margarita. Straight. Maybe a couple of ice cubes to mellow it out without watering it down to ease the pain.

I dig it. I’d pay for it (if I had to). I can’t give it any better endorsement than that. Drink responsibly. Drunk driving is for assholes. Peace.