By shelz.

Trying to carry your hotness into the new year? Want to know what to eschew and what to send to the cleaners for another year of wear?  I’m here to help.  Carryovers from 2012 are plentiful and if you’re over 30, you probably have the recycles on standby.  Of all the latest and greatest, there’s only one lane I can’t say I’ve seen recently.  The rest is packed in cedar and moth balls.  Let’s get to it. Spring will be here before you know it.

The New Watergate: No Richard Nixon

Things that look like water, colors that remind you of water, pictures of water as patterns; light blue and faux wet are the new black, I guess.  As a melanin challenged sista, I can’t say me and light blue mix, but if you are down for your resort wear actually looking like the resort, you’re in luck.

Zebrahead… To Toe

When I tell you I have more stripes in my closet than the entire population of Maricopa County, I kid you not. So this trend is right up my alley.  And just a hint; the stripes are extra hot if they are black and white.  Not just horizontal either.  Vertical, squiggly, diagonal, rounded; it’s all righteous.  You know, just wear a road map, with lakes on it.  You can kill two trend birds with one fashionable stone.

Sheer And Cropped: It’s Not Just For Strippers Any More 

Sigh.  Ladies we aren’t all built for this.  Be governed accordingly. If you feel like showing some skin though (and it’s your right to wear ish that looks gawd-awful on you regardless of how much the rest of us protest) there are a ton of designers catering to your hot momma whim.  Plus, both trends were on point in 2012 so you don’t have to run out and buy anything new. But if you chose to, please look in the mirror before you run out.  Thanks.

Oh, speaking of strippers, Lucite shoes are back.  That clear heel that Hot Mocha wore on amateur night?  Yeah. Cop that, but stay off the pole.

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones But Whips and Chains Excite Me

Kanye’s first collection, the one that was ripped to shreds by the fashion world, had plenty of B&D sentiment. So does that mean two years from now, dudes will be rocking man skirts and acting like they didn’t diss Mr. West’s kilt?  We shall see.  Anyway, taking Debbie the Dominatrix’s fashion sense and putting it in a more palatable package is what’s up. The leather trend will mix with this perfectly. Just keep the handcuffs at home.

Peplum

No fancy schmancy title for this one because I don’t like them.  I mean, what is that thing?  It is a belt?  A little skirt for you big skirt so your big skirt won’t feel lonely?  It looks weird to me, but its back.  Have at it.

When You Go To San Francisco, Wear A Flower…. EVERYWHERE

Florals used to be relegated to your grandma’s closet.  These days, looking like the rose that grew from the concrete is on trend. Shirts, jackets, pants, skirts are all covered in petals. Flowers are possibly the biggest thing happening right now, so gather your seeds and hoe, tend your garden and mind for the bees.

A Skirt Big Enough To Hide Your Boyfriend Under When The Hubby Comes Home.

Okay.  Just because I plan to use it that way doesn’t mean you have to.  However, the full A-line skirt was all over the spring runways.  I love these skirts.  They are beautifully dramatic and work for any body shape. So get rid of all that bodycon stuff.  You look like an extra from a Guy video.

Hold up. There is a skater skirt, some fringe and a sheer jacket in this video. The 90’s are completely back. Yup, yup.