By shelz.

Fall is in three days.  Hopefully, you have acquainted yourself with what’s hot and what’s not on the fashion front.  New York’s fashion week for this years cooler months was almost a half year ago, so you had plenty of time to prepare.  (Not to be confused with the spring/summer collections we saw last week.  I’ll dive into those later.) But just in case you were caught sleeping, I’m here to help you out. Autumn clothing just hit stores, so its not too late to update your look so little school children won’t point and laugh at you on the bus.  I’m just saying.

For the Lady in You

Oscar De La Renta gave us some serious retro FLOTUS chic with a drunk girl edge.  The 60’s lady that lunches (and takes a mint julep or 4 before noon) swag was tempered with some flapper evening apparel that should make you want to get your Charleston game up.  Big bouffant hair and dewy cheeks round out the look.  So get your back comb steez on point, its all about looking like Jackie O after a binge.

Your Horse Or Mine?

I refuse to go here personally, but if you are a slave to trends, check your local TV listings for Hee Haw marathons.  All the fashion advice you need for the western look is right there.  I need you all to remember that this look started way back when as all function and no form.  I really don’t care who says this is hot.  Looking like you bail hay and have cow poo on your shoes does nothing for me.  But what do I know?

Blue and Burgundy

Electric blue is like…blue flame hot.  Cobalt cobalt and more cobalt.  I guess this is a natural progression from all that bright ish people were wearing this summer.  It’s a less obnoxious color, more suited for fall than say neon sunshine yellow, but it still has that energetic pop. Shoes, bags, sweaters, pants, stockings; go tone on tone on tone and put someone’s eyes out when you reflect off the snow.  Hotness.  Oh and on days when you don’t want your outfit as loud as a 747, try a little burgundy.  Dark reds are all the rage and not just for your clothes.  Make up, nail polish, hair extensions and after dinner sips, its all about wine.

Big Ass Chains

Okay maybe they all aren’t chains, but I think we can blame T-Pain (you remember him right) for the hottest jewelry trend of the past couple of seasons, the statement necklace.  This fal’ls incarnation has grown larger than the summer size and is just fluckin gargantuan.  Check it, if you are a little strapped for cash, just grab grannies silver serving plate, drill some holes in it and get some bike chains to ribbon through the holes and tie behind your neck.  No one will ever know you didn’t get that from Nordstrom.

Patterned Bottoms

Homogenous pants or skirts are just not happening this year, unless of course they are jewel tone.  Jeans are not just blue.  Skirts are not just black.  Reptile, hounds tooth, paisley, floral, bleach dyed, tye dyed, paint splattered and psychedelically patterned bottoms are what’s what and the wilder the better.  This is actually a trend that cycles through regularly, so check the back of your closet.  I know you have some black and blue faux snake skin pants back there you were just waiting to come back into style. Well, maybe you don’t, but I do.

The Shiny Suit Theory

I just watched this DIY video showing folks how to take fabric paint to their jeans and make em all shiny and leather looking. Remember ladies, the shinier your clothing (especially if its tight) the more your lumps and bubbles will show.  But if you don’t give a what like I don’t give a what, go ahead and revamp a pair of jeans or two.  This is one of the coolest and cheapest ways to get your trendiness on in my opinion.  Or you can go and buy a classic yellow raincoat and be done with it.  The choice is yours.  Word to Black Sheep. Better yet, buy that classic yellow coat in burgundy.

Custer’s Last Stand … Hopefully

All military everything, except camo.  This year it’s about shapes and adornment.  So you’re not going for the off to war look . You’re going for the we won the war, now lets have a parade look.  I hope that helps.

Honorable Mentions

Tweed aka Sherlock Homes in winter

Metallics, Especially gold and especially gold with black aka  disco Steelers

Fur sleeves, stoles, vests and peplums aka… Chewbaca does Chinatown

Hope you enjoyed!

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