By Justin Michael Carter

At long last, America’s national nightmare is finally over. After years of eluding capture, Barry bin Bonds was recently found guilty of obstruction of justice and sentenced to 2 years probation and 30 days of home monitoring for kinda, sorta, probably lying about his alleged steroid use. Parents can now tuck their children into bed safely at night knowing that justice has been served and Barry bin Bonds will no longer be free to hit home runs with the alleged assistance of illegal substances.

There hasn’t been a more egregious case of wasted government resources in recent years than the Barry Bonds debacle. His 30 day house arrest sentence was the result of an 8 year investigation that cost the American taxpayers upwards of 100 million dollars, more than the cost of Watergate, Monica Lewinsky, and the 9/11 Commission investigations combined. In other words, the Barry Bonds case was about as anticlimactic as watching five seasons of The Wire result in an Avon Barksdale traffic citation. It’s nice to know American tax dollars are being spent for a good cause. If you’re filling out your scorecard at home, that’s convictions of hall of fame baseball players 1, and number of Wall Street executives brought up on criminal charges related to bringing America to the brink of another Great Depression 0.

America and the global economy was about one strike on the outside corner away from worldwide depression because of the greed, corruption, and incompetence pitched by Wall Street executives, yet they have largely escaped unscathed. You’d be hard pressed to find any criminal convictions among them even though in many cases they put up stats more gaudy than Barry Bonds ever did. AIG, Countrywide, Washington Mutual, Bear Sterns and Goldman Sachs have each evaded criminal charges for the roles they played in nearly bringing the economy to a grinding halt. Of course, this makes perfect sense once you realize none of them could hit a change up out of the ballpark the way Barry Bonds could.

Barry Bonds perplexed major league pitchers throughout the duration of his storied career whether on or off performance enhancing drugs. It’s only fitting then that when facing the federal government, Bonds would find a way to reach home safely as the Feds struck themselves out at the plate.

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