By Single Black Female

Believe it or not, sometimes I actually run out of things to say. That’s when I step out of my own reality and venture into the world of others. I like to know how (or if) my outlook differs from those in my circle. Sure, when I see folks dating, falling in love and getting married, it would be easy to sulk over their good fortune at finding that special someone. But when your world is full of “good girls gone bad” like mine is, ideas about love and relationships can become skewed.Some say one of the roads to success is surrounding oneself with successful people; perhaps it’s the “birds of a feather” theory. Could the same be said for singles? Should I dwell in the company of those who’ve “made it” in love to uncover the fundamentals of a successful union? Or should I take a different approach?

Recently, I was talking with a friend about day to day life. Towards the end of our conversation she commented that a woman needs a husband for support. I support myself emotionally and financially and when the going gets tough, I pray so He supports me. That’s what I’m used to, it’s all I know.

Sure I would like someone to help out with the bills and daily grind but in my world women do it all, even the ones in relationships. Which is probably why my friend burst our laughing when I said, “well if you are going to find me someone for support I think I need a wife.” Still chuckling she replied, “You’re probably right about that.”

I know you all think I’m hard on the fellas but if we are talking about the world I live in, it’s filled with strong, hard-working single moms who make it happen on their own. That’s not to say I don’t know ANY ladies in relationships, there are a few, well, make that a couple.

If my choice of mate were based solely on the stories I’ve heard and situations I’ve seen, my decision would be to get a girlfriend. I know, that seems drastic but you should meet the wonderful women I know. Take for instance my well educated beauty, talk about total package! She holds THREE masters degrees, makes a nice six figure salary, drives a luxury car, works as an Assistant Principal, moonlights as a music instructor and tours the world showcasing her beautiful voice with other talented musicians. She juggles all of that while raising her two children.

Exit stage left, her deadbeat ex husband who had the nerve to imply she should work less and spend more time with the kids. Sure that would be easy if their FATHER acted like one. She crossed over, experimented with the other side. The woman she ended up dating after her divorce added more to her life than the man she was married to for years.

Then there is my soft spoken pretty girl who put herself through school while working full time and raising her child. She supported her ex financially (her perfect credit was the helping hand his bad credit needed) guided him through personal problems and overlooked his possessive nature. When his emotional issues took over, she was berated for not giving him sex as soon as he came home from work.

Laughable in light of all that she’d done for him, but the laughing stopped when he purposely damaged her new SUV in retaliation for her finally ending the relationship because of his ungrateful, absurd, demanding personality. The women she now dates picks up the tab, treats her to nights out and they enjoy wonderful evenings together without incident.

I hope calling this rapidly growing trend an epidemic is not offensive, but I have met more Lesbian and Bisexual women in the past year than I’ve known my entire life. Women tired of dealing with and having their hearts broken by men. Now that’s not to say same sex relationships don’t have their trials and tribulations. They do. But the women I talk to seem happier and don’t miss the comforts of a man, well they may miss SOMETHING but I hear women do it better anyway…lol

Ok so I don’t have a bunch of bliss filled success stories to surround myself with and yes these are just a couple of examples but I could keep you reading for hours with the juicy tidbits I’ve picked up. Will I be influenced by my environment? Who knows, my faith keeps me scared straight because I know The Big Man Upstairs frowns on same sex unions, which is why my educated beauty discontinued her tryst.

Ironically, once she did, she was blessed with a wonderful, equally successful and motivated man who is a great role model for her young son (maybe she’ll be my next success story). Those I know who have found alternative means of happiness are women who would love to be with a man but can’t find one who’ll love them right. My wife reference was a joke but what if a woman is a better provider, confidante and support system? Then I should take my comedy act on the road and sign boobs like Nikki Minaj. I’m not saying, just saying…Until next time 😉

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