By Single Black Female

 “Why are you single?” That is the most common question I’m asked on a first date. My response is usually the politically correct, “Just haven’t found the right one yet.” My brain, however, is screaming “I’m single because some of you dudes are slithering sleazy slimy scum bags who I’m not trying to get caught up with!” (I’m telling you, it’s a hard fight keeping my mouth from articulating my thoughts) I have to ask myself though, why AM I single?

When I look in the mirror I like the reflection. Of course I wouldn’t be opposed to a bit of nip and tuck but for the most part, I’m not too bad looking. I’m intelligent, funny, can cook up a good meal and give a mean back rub. Hell if I was a man I’d date me.

The truth is, as much as I’d love to be in a relationship (maybe) the horror stories I’ve heard make me think the grass on this side of the fence is as green as it gets. So many tales of disrespect; I’ve witnessed the fights and arguments, dried tears after the infidelity. That’s the scariest. I can be argumentative, stubborn and bratty at times. I know relationships ebb and flow. I ust don’t know if I can handle the cheating. These days, it’s like two-timing has become acceptable. A man will boldly state “yeah I have a woman.”  Then ask for my number in the next breath!

Women must be going for this line and are willing to roll with it; otherwise men wouldn’t think it was cool to say? Remember when men would at least LIE about their relationship status? I guess lying was too much work because now it’s “yep I’m taken, but I want you too, let’s go.” Why should I bother with love if that is the type of behavior I have to look forward to?

Now before the men get their boxers in a bunch I will (reluctantly) admit there are some trifling women running wild out here. Sorry ladies but it has to be said. I’m not talking gold diggers and groupies but regular everyday women, with families. There was a time when women could stand on their soap box singing “woe is me” because they were wronged. These days we have to share the soap box and our song. Payback definitely is a bitch because chicks are vicious.

I have a good friend whose woman of more than a decade cheated on him and ended up pregnant by the dude on the side. Yes, he had his short comings, no one is perfect but like Jay Z said “you don’t get your man back like that.” Another woman I know has never caught her husband cheating and isn’t sure if he ever has. Yet she cheats, as she words it, “just in case he IS cheating I won’t be so heartbroken when I find out.” What the what?! I thought that type of lunacy was reserved for the men.

The problem is, I’ve always felt I was born in the wrong era. I want to be courted, you know, like our grandparents did it, old school style; long walks in the park, drives to nowhere, conversation for hours about nothing and everything. Courtship was slow and deliberate. This lost art gave both parties a chance to grow to know and love each other. We dropping drawers with no discovery and then there’s nothing to work towards. 

I’m no “goody goody”. Believe me; I’ve made my share of mistakes playing on both teams. I’ve been heartbroken and the heart breaker, and I’ve cheated and been cheated on. I was young and dumb but as a fully grown adult, I figure why settle for what doesn’t make me happy? I will not be bent by the popular vote of having someone just to say I do, or not having my needs and wants fulfilled-I may as well fly solo.

So here I am beautiful, smart, sexy, sassy and single. It can be fun but the reality is I won’t be young(ish) forever. Should I look the other way on the fidelity issue so I can have someone to grow old, share my dreams and build with? Many of my girls say all men cheat anyway. Nah, I’m selfish. I want someone willing and able to dedicate himself to one woman as I am ready to be dedicated to one man. That quality is very hard to find, until he reveals himself I will be SBF looking for OSL (Old School Love).

Sincerely Yours,

Single Black Female

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