By shelz.
It’s Easter. Hop with the plushy bunny and eat eggs with dye all over them, but remember this holiday is about the resurrection of Jesus. And that through his death and subsequent rebirth, you have the option of salvation even though you might not deserve it. Word.
Now that we have cleared that up, let’s get to this whole revivification issue because there are plenty of people, places and things that should be allowed a second chance to blossom in the realm of Hip-Hop. Careers that ended too quickly, iconic spots that closed before their time and fads that honestly should have morphed into rap mainstays just withered on the vine. So for your Easter enjoyment we are going to hippity-hop through the past and list a few things that should have made it to the future.
Happy Easter!
Africa Medallions
Once upon a time, long long ago, rap had a mainstream nationalist side that screamed with pride and strength. It was so celebrated that Flava Flav could get away with saying “mutherfluck him and John Wayne” without anyone batting an eye. You can’t do that now of course. Hip-Hop has become the primary fabric in post racial America and hopping out of the rap melting pot with a fist in the air seems to make aggins nervous. Keeping DeBeers in business is swag, but an Africa medallion would probably signal Hip-Hop heresy. Damn shame.
Freeing Everybody
Clipse – Freedom (Produced By Sean C & LV)
This movement used to keep the t-shirt printers in business and was probably the last bastion of Hip-Hop protest (outside of contrived spats with your label). It didn’t matter if the person everybody wanted freed was innocent or guilty. Nor did it matter what they did. The posse wanted them out and about so they could continue to do whatever it was that got them locked up in the first place. It seems to have slowed its roll, as I haven’t noticed a huge “Free T.I.” movement. Then again that might be because it didn’t work the first two times.
Doing Porn After Your Records Stopped Selling
DJ Yella kicked the door in and for a while, porn became a legitimate post-rap endeavor. Treach did the hoochie coochie for the entire world to see and even though Lil John is trying to block distribution, a flick he made years ago is on the way. I know rappers are attempting to diversify their revenue streams in more pristine ways these days but what makes more money than porn? Rap dudes are always talking about making a movie. They may as well get something out of it besides a future stalker.
Dressing For An Occasion That’s Not Planned
immortal_technique_ft._joell_ortiz_-_modern_day_slavery
Remember when everyone looked like they were on their way to Aspen to hit the slopes. Ski parkas and goggles were the look of the day even though it was 60 degrees outside and they were really on their way to MLK and 10th to pick up their cousin. Then there was the off-to-war time when folks were rocking head to toe camo even though they had never seen the inside of a recruiting office. How about Hip-Hop pick another occasion to imitate like funerals… since folks have been trying to kill Hip-Hop for ages. No, how about slavery as an occasion? Head rags and ill-fitting pants anchor the dress code. Chains and whips. Wait. We already do that.
Finding Illuminati Symbolism On Every Rap Record.
At some point, The Illuminati, The Free Masons, The Church of Satan and Roc A Fella records merged, creating Hip-Hop’s most powerful label. Everybody who threw up the Roc sign was automatically Satan’s lap dog, including the Delta’s I’m assuming. And folks were actually taking time out of their day to play Jay-z songs backwards to unleash evil hidden messages. Then anyone who worked with Jigga was under suspicion and Rihanna, Kanye and Beyonce were all found to be hob-knobbing with the dark side. This is way too amusing to get the 86. Guess who is in the Illuminati is one of the best party games ever.
Hammer Pants
MC Hammer – U Can’t Touch This
If you are over 35, you may have had a pair and they may have been shiny like a Diddy suit. It’s okay though. You don’t have to hang your head in shame because they should have maintained their placement as a wardrobe staple. I’m convinced of it. Hammer said they didn’t bind and gave him room to maneuver on the dance floor comfortably. We can come up with a million uses for that empty billowing space. Emo rappers can keep their copy of “Catcher In The Rye” in there. Gucci can keep bail money in there. Jay-Z can keep the masters of Jay Electronica’s debut album in there (forever). Rick Ross can carry Wale in there. So many uses.
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