By shelz.

So Keri Hilson has the pussy that will keep a man off the streets and either folks don’t believe her or are mad she’s laid up with her boo when they haven’t seen their husband in three days.  I’m glad she has that magic beaver dust.  Lord knows she isn’t packing enough in the back to keep him from running out the door.

I kid, but there are a few odd sentiments here.  First of all, if you think puddy is all you need to keep your man faithful, then you are doomed to grow old and gray with just your vajayjay to keep you company.  But since it’s so awesome, you should be cool with that. Also, if you think tossing your twat waffle around in a video is enough to keep your fans faithful, then you’re really deluded because urban music fans are less loyal than men these days.

Let me back up for a just in case I’ve lost you.  Keri Hilson big ups her mans dick down game as well as her lady private parts using some pretty explicit language in her new song “The Way You Love Me.” Along with the nasty song comes a nasty video during which Hilson appears generally hot and bothered and ready to remove all three square inches of clothing she’s wearing while she licks things and grinds on inanimate objects.

The fans have spoken and the general consensus is that Hilson’s behavior is horrifyingly whorish and they plan on sending her coochie a cease and desist order. This whole shock and awe response to Keri’s sweaty bump and grind session is a bit amusing. (A song about the ill nana? I’m sure no one has done that before.) More entertaining though is the fact that someone in control over at Hilson’s label thinks this is the best bucket to use to keep the SS Keri from going down. (Going down. Lol)

How many times have we seen this scenario implode?  Ex-Cheetah Girl Kiely Williams had to go into hiding after she decided drunken one night stand tunes were her passport to greatness. The sex may have been “Spectacular,” but that song was closer to Bluestar ointment than Bluestar Entertainment. (Word to Pretty Ricky). Then there is Ciara who has managed to go from ATL darling to that wet girl grinding on the mechanical bull. And even though she simulated more sex moves than the Kama Sutra in the video for “Ride,” how many units to you think Basic Instinct will move?  Did you say not many?  Exactly.  I guess the stock has fallen on those goodies.

What these folks fail to understand is that we already have women who do the whole sex on wax thing and because that’s all they do, the skills are polished. You’ve seen the video for “How Many Licks.” Lil Kim is mass producing her own heaving, synthetic, edible designer fur burgers.  Try all you want.  You can’t fluck with that.

When you start from a higher perch with clothes on and all, then descend to buck naked party girl, it smacks of desperation and no one likes a desperate, naked girl.  Wait, some of you do, but that desire doesn’t usually equal album sales, just sticky Maxim pages.

Maybe folks are remembering Erykah Badu’s words of wisdom. A few years back Ms. Badu gave a rousing talk on marketing female artists in the new millennium.  She explained that if a woman needed to sell some records then she needed to do some hoe shit.  The only problem is Badu didn’t explain that it doesn’t work for everyone,  unless the hoe shit is under the guise of artistic expression on a busy street in Dallas (Bucky naked Wednesdays, her words, not mine) but that’s a whole ‘nother set of circumstances and opinions my friends.

Bottom line is Keri Hilson’s ride on the wild side isn’t going to boost her sales unless she has a porno in the works.  As we have seen time and time again, going from semi-sexy pop star to naked pop tart yields little return except more demented fan mail.  So she may be on her way back to the title of writer unknown, but at least her man is still home. She does have that bomb ass pussy you know.