By Odeisel

Some people would sell their soul to be a star. Those that would rarely consider the dark side of fame. The flashing lights. The scrutiny. The deification. Your life, no longer your own, becomes public domain. As you inhale the cheers and adulation, your perch elevates higher and glory becomes gluttony; those cheers necessary for your existence as fame becomes narcotic. Those allergic to narcissism find it extremely difficult to deal with and desperately search for escape. But the view from that lofty perch is steep, and a fall from that height would be a harsh landing, no matter what you hit at the bottom. When your mind can’t wrap itself around that fall, and the walls close in, and the perch gets so high you’re an inch away from heaven but you reach up and find the door locked, what do you do?

On April 5, 1994, Kurt Cobain decided that the view from above was not what he wanted. His rocket to stardom saw him drafted as the spokesperson for teen angst and a generation that felt widely ignored and disenfranchised; a position Cobain wanted no part of. His grunge movement was co-opted by the masses much to his chagrin for all the wrong reasons. In Kurt’s mind, they were worshipping a Cobain who did not exist. The pull of that love against the desire to remain true to the art proved an immense strain, pushing Cobain to the arms of drug addled depression in a vain attempt to escape the faux reality in which he had found himself cornered.

One of the best things about art is that it’s open to interpretation. If an artist is using his gifts to communicate, however, that disconnect could be a major source of frustration. Our art is often a manifestation of things that have affected us throughout life; things we may want to share but lack the courage or trust with others to relate. A broken home, a troubled youth, and drug use throughout his early life, combined with an understanding of the world that ran counter to mass culture would certainly provide enough ingredients for combustion. Lucky for us he held it together enough for a classic album.

The world is not the easiest of places to navigate when your mind runs at a different pace. Many of us find ourselves butting heads with our own concept of reality and wonder how the world fails to process things the way we do. It could be as simple as why everyone likes a musician to fighting the way the world works. You’re not alone in your struggle. You’re not crazy for believing the things that you do.

At Planet Ill, we deal with reality. We recognize that the lens that people often view things through is often obscured and not exactly the true picture. In times like these, full of economic, social and political uncertainty, the urge to end your struggle is strong. Some of you occupy that perch and struggle to stay on top while others of you struggle anonymously; in the solitude of your home rather than in front of the flashbulbs. Whatever you are going through, and whatever thoughts you have, remember that you can’t medicate it away. It didn’t work for Cobain, didn’t work for Michael Jackson, and it won’t work for you, whether it’s a pill, a blunt, or a Styrofoam cup.

See the world for what it is: an opportunity. It’s not a game that involves winning or losing despite whatever images you may be bombarded.  It’s more like a highway. Your success in not how fast you get there, but that you get there.  Others drive different cars. They may hit their potholes at different points or make rest stops along the way.  Just drive your car. Pay attention to your instruments, oil, and gas. The mirrors are just there for perspective, not judgement. For as giant as we remember Kurt Cobain being, that empty car on the side of the road blocked a lot of people close to him and who believed in him from driving down their road of life.

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