By A Negro and a Keyboard

In the book, The Assassination of the Black Male Image, Dr. Earl Ofari sadly recounts a story about how ex-Heavyweight champ Mike Tyson, fresh off of a 3-year jail stint on a 1992 rape conviction, was in a nightclub having a drink, when a young woman excitedly approached him and completely disrobed herself (got butt-ass), offering to do “anything” he wanted. In a not-so-Iron Mike moment, Tyson apparently almost went into convulsions pleading with this potential suitor to “understand what he had been through” and please “put em’ back on!” I can fully imagine Tyson’s distinct lisp in all its splendor during this assuredly laughable exchange.
However, let’s just say that Tyson hadn’t shunned the advances of this home-training starved minx? Let’s also imagine that in a Chris Brown moment, Tyson said, “Yeah”, and failed to tell her that she was going back to the crib and that he was on her (By the way, is it just me or does that song sound like a soundtrack for rape, but I digress…)? As sure as I am that it takes the Waltons entirely too long to say goodnight on that Geico commercial, I am equally confident that this scenario would have culminated in Tyson being painted once again as the savage jungle bunny that had already ravaged Miss Black Rhode Island Desiree Washington, and now had pounced upon an innocent prey once again. Some might have even gone as far as to propose putting him down like a rabid animal.

Apply the same idea of a second rape charge to Tupac Shakur after his sodomy case in 1993 and Kobe Bryant after his 2003 sexcapade in Denver, and I will not have to illustrate to you any clearer than you can already imagine the media castigationg of these negroes that would undoubtedly ensue.

I can clearly recollect each of them during and after their initial charges; forced to present themselves as these emasculated and docile shells of themselves. Tyson’s peaceful nature after his conversion to Islam; Tupac wearing glasses and button-ups on the cover of Me Against the World; a clean-shaven and sobbing Kobe Bryant; all of course skillfully orchestrated by PR moguls seeking to make them appear less threatening. Unfortunately for each of them however, short of getting some help from Michael Jackson’s dermatologist, their sin, more so than their crimes, was the brown hue of their skin.

Pittsburgh Steelers Super Bowl-winning Quarterback “Big” Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t have that pigmentation issue, and as such, he has allegedly decided to put all of the ladies out there on notice about that fact. Apparently, he is going to literally touch them all.

Unlike many urban celebrities, Roethlisberger appears to have had a pretty good upbringing, growing up in suburban Ohio in a seemingly stable household and lettering in 3 sports in high school. From there, he went to play college football at Miami (OH) University, where he excelled, breaking virtually every passing record in the school’s history. This of course, led to his 1st Round selection in the 2004 NFL Draft by the Steelers, signing a 6-year, $22.26 Million contract. In only his second season, Roethlisberger became the youngest quarterback to win a Super Bowl, which in addition to great success in the next few seasons, led to a whopping contract extension of 8-years and $102 million.

Roethlisberger had already demonstrated immaturity over the years, doing idiotic things like riding motorcycles in the off-season (an athlete no-no) only to have an accident that almost cost him his life, let alone his career. However, maybe it was one-too many-nights spent hanging with some of his more urban teammates, that inspired him to become a new, bottle-popping Ben, that had a penchant for bars, and of course, the ladies. As only Biggie smalls could attest, alcohol and women, don’t mix like two d**ks and no b**ch…You know the rest, but apparently, he doesn’t.

As would be expected, the first sexual assault charge came in the summer of 2009, after a woman named Andrea McNulty, a casino host at Harrah Lake Tahoe, alleged that Roethlisberger called her to his room under the guise of his television working improperly, then proceeded to attempt take it down by force. Unlike many of his black sexual assault charge predecessors, there would be no remorseful tone or reversion back to a pubescent look of innocence, but rather, Roethlisberger took to the podium in a very matter-of-fact manner and refuted the claims. In fairness to him, McNulty did appear to be on some BS with certain other facts. Not surprisingly, the story hung around for a few days, and then it was on to training camp, as if nothing had even transpired.

What was actually surprising though, was when just a few days ago, Big Ben had his mug thrown up on SportsCenter again, this time for allegedly sexually assaulting a co-ed from the University of Georgia in a women’s bathroom. While details are still emerging for this actual story, according to Roethlisberger, and here I paraphrase, he did engage in contact with the woman that was not “consummated” (basically, she sucked him off) and afterwards, the young lady slipped, hitting her head. Picture Tiger Woods trying that one during his staged press-conference, as if the whole “sex addict” thing wasn’t funny enough.

Making this recent case even more comical than the first were some of Roethlisberger alleged actions during the evening. One undisclosed attendee of Ben-A-Palooza, as the birthday party for Roethlisberger during which this latest sexual assault allegation occurred was reported to be called, claims that he was quite liberal with his usage of the word “b**ch that night, telling the ladies, “You b**ches come take my shots”. Ben might have some black in his family after all.

Taking a page from the Tiger Woods playbook, Roethlisberger has been unavailable for an interview with the police doing the investigation to date, some of whom he had actually posed for photos with during his shindig.

You know, I absolutely love these types of moments in American society. They always remind me of the racial divides that regardless of the advancements of the world, will always keep that Grand Canyon between true racial harmony.

I sit here thinking about Kobe Bryant flying those G-4’s back and forth from that Denver court room to his games, and about all of these endorsements that Woods has lost because he stepped out on his wife. Their public humiliations, as well as those of other athletes of color, have always been ones of legendary shaming, yet in the midst of it all, their far-from-innocent Caucasian accusers have only benefited financially from either court-settlements or exclusive interviews with tabloid magazines. The only black man to ever survive two sexual assault claims was the King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson, and sorrowfully, we see where the aftermath of those tribulations have put him.

For all we know, Roethlisberger might be totally innocent, and my words are not meant to indict him of criminal acts. However, I would love to see him to do the “perp-walk” like many other black celebrities have, to just “spread the wealth” a bit, if for nothing else.

If my man Mike Tyson almost had a coronary over some vixen throwing it up in his face after his own sexual assault nightmare, maybe we could see Ben Roethlisberger at least choke on his spit or something, I mean, really.

Recklessly Yours,

A Negro and a Keyboard

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