By A Negro And A Keyboard

I remember with almost photographic clarity the first time I heard 50 Cent’s, I Get Money, and contorted my face into a “Ni&&a, what the f**k?” expression when I heard that overtly-asinine line, Have a baby by me, baby, be a millionaire, I’ll write a check before the baby comes, who the hell cares?

As someone working with high-school students at that particular time, I also recollect how disgusted I was to hear one-too-many of these urban-influenced (‘hood) youth, walking around with that damn song blaring through their iPods, emphasizing that particular line as if they had enough money to get to school without a bus pass, let alone financially support any offspring. However, as it is with most commercial Hip-Hop, the song got played out, and it was on to the next one; Ayo Technology, to be exact, and I thought we might actually be in the clear.

However, I had underestimated the fact that the quote had developed a life of its own, becoming a new mantra for some of the more ignorant brothers and sisters in our community. What I didn’t underestimate though, was that the marketing machine known as Curtis Jackson had his ear (or at least the ears of his bodyguards and employees) to the streets, looking at some point to capitalize – big time.

So last year, it was no surprise for me to turn on the television, and see the video for the single, Baby By Me, featuring a very nasal and hat-wearing Neyo on the hook, and Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child, already notorious for negatively influencing young folks with the “I Need A Soldier” shenanigans of her former group. I will shamefully admit though, the song sounded good, and I did sing the hook a few times myself (yes, shame on the Negro, I know).

It was more evident to me than ever at that moment, that this song represented the major contradiction of many of our lives as minorities: the fact that all one needs to do is put words over a beat, and many of us are sure to immediately follow directions. The Cha-Cha Slide, Superman Dat Hoe, the Cupid Shuffle, and now, Have a Baby By Me, Baby.

I enter Exhibit A, current New York Jets Cornerback Antonio Cromartie. What better way of illustrating the incredulity of this get-rich-quick by means of a child concept by using the ultimate cliché: The black deadbeat professional athlete father? In the fine tradition of those coming before him (no pun intended), such as former NFLer Travis Henry (11 kids, 9 mothers) and NBAer Shawn Kemp (7 kids, 6 mothers), Cromartie has made major strides towards a run at the crown, already matching Kemp’s stats, yet trumping him by far, amazingly doing so by the tender age of 24. Equally surprising is the fact that these children reside across 5 different states, all aged 6 or younger. Apparently, his former team’s (San Diego Chargers) road trips must have been good times. The irony of this entire situation is that Cromartie’s wife (Terricka Carson from the TV show, Candy Girls) is not the mother of any of them (In fairness, I don’t believe that any of the children were conceived since their nuptials).

Cromartie came into the NFL in 2006, highly touted out of Florida State University, as a 1st round selection, garnering a 5-year, $12.5 Million contract. As is the common theme for almost every story that I write like this, he too comes fully equipped with the built-in sob story of “growing up in the projects” (So did Colin Powell). In only his second year, he far exceeded expectations by leading the NFL and setting a team record in interceptions (10), as well as setting the NFL record for the longest scoring play in history, returning a missed field goal 109 yards for a touchdown. His efforts for that season landed him a Pro Bowl selection. Things couldn’t be any better career-wise at that point.

This is around the time however, the baby-making appears to have gotten out of control. In the past three years alone, Cromartie was backhanded with five paternity suits, with the not-so-far-fetched possibly of more pending. As one would expect, these woes have affected his play on the field, only having 5 interceptions total for both the 2008 and 2009 seasons, a far cry from that magic sophomore year. I honestly wonder if it was the mental strain of the court cases or the obvious lack of protein that caused this man’s on-field demise? Someone better get that brother a Muscle Milk and fast.

Clearly fed up with Cromartie lack of production and personal trysts, the Chargers traded him to the Jets last week, who are clearly looking past these issues in hopes of getting him back to his 2007 form. Even more disgusting than Cromartie’s random childbearing, is the fact that the Jets have now enabled this brother to keep the party going by restructuring his contract and advancing him $500,000 with a stipulation that he pay off his back child support, so he can focus on football, when what he really needs to focus on is a vasectomy and long-distance parenting classes.

Also, while I know it is Women’s History Month, I refuse to let these sisters sit back and play innocent. While I clearly don’t know these women personally, and don’t personally mean to judge them, I do not consider it a stretch to say that 50’s words have crossed their minds once or twice as they were spreading their womanhood for this “celebrity”. I consulted a few females, and based upon their feedback, I think it is clear to say that the brother isn’t exactly wowing them in the looks department. In fact, if you really want to get a sense of the mindset of a few of his children’s mother’s check out their apparent cyber-beef about Cromartie’s fatherhood prowess over an Internet message board. Yeah, real classy sisters.

At the end of the day, we are all human, and as such, are susceptible to poor choices, but I find it absolutely deplorable that so many of our black celebrities have created such a shameful facade of unaccountability around matters of parenting. This type of BS only perpetuates an already sorrowful lack of actual fatherhood in inner-city communities, and reduces a father’s role in a child’s life to that of a monthly bill, like one pays their rent or Visa. Unlike Cromartie or any other professional athlete, 99.9% of those who carelessly father multiple children in this way will never have the economic ability to truly provide for those children, thus making them more likely to be on welfare than millionaires, as 50’s song denotes. Welcome to generational poverty.

Look on the bright side though: at least we had a hot 50 joint to diddy-bop to in the club.

Recklessly Yours,

A Negro and A Keyboard

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