By G.I.N.A. (Game Is Not Allowed)

These last few months have put my faith to the test. I believe everything happens for a reason and recently God forced me to see that all I can want and need is in Him. For the first time in my life I’ve made “step out on faith” more than just a suggestion and put it to practice. Walking by faith is especially hard for someone accustomed to making things happen (seemingly) on her own.

When life gets rough I’m not one of the fortunate few who get to run back to Mommy and Daddy for shelter. I’ve stood on the two strong legs God has given me and have been blessed knowing that He truly helps those who help themselves. When life pushes I defiantly push back and usually achieve the desired results. However, recent events threatened to topple me: leeches disgused as friends, succumbing to the reality that I am not untouchable by the recession, and a close encounter of the grim reaper all weakened my strong foundation.

I was struggling to remain the pillar of support for family and friends, how could I crumble? Outwardly I represented the hard working independent woman everyone could depend on. Secretly my infrastructure was crumbling, I was losing it.

It may sound cliche’ but the only option that remained was turn to God. I don’t want it to seem as if He was my last resort. I’ve been a believer all my life, I know I am a child of God. Yet like most children I don’t always listen to or follow my Fathers’ rules. While I belived in Him I never really let go and let God. Of course I prayed and thanked Him for all my blessings but I hadn’t sat still and listened to Him; be still is what the Bible says. I routinely made decisions, on my own, I thought were best.

During my weeks of sleepless nights filled with confusion and fear I was forced to go to Him for guidance and strength, the kind of strength I couldn’t give myself. As I begin to come out of the shell adversities forced me into I joke that I now pray so much God sends me to voicemail.

What this time has taught me (because we are never too old to learn) is that in order to be a true believer I have to trust God. People are flawed, they will fall short of our expectations and dissapoint us; life will have its ebb and flow but He never fails, He is constant. I’ve learned to be still, have patience and travel by faith. I realize God, not me, has kept me strong all these years-I can accomplish anything through He who strengthens me. I continue to make the moves neccessary to facilitate my happiness but I pray for guidance, I wait so I can hear Him and I walk in faith He will never let me fall.

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