By G.I.N.A. (Game Is Not Allowed)
Ladies, many of us spend so much time caught up in our pasts that we hinder our futures. We go on and on with our “Waiting to Exhale” moments yet fail to see when a breath of fresh air has blown our way. When men destroy our lives or crush our hearts, we sing our painful songs from the mountaintops; but when we have good dudes in our corners, the hurt of past transgressions clouds our judgment and pushes possible peace and happiness away.
We’ve been hurt, scorned, battered into crumpled heaps of emotionless residue from relationships gone wrong. Life, in general, has a way of eroding our confidence, our sense of worth, and our optimism. In order to combat any further turmoil we learn to protect ourselves. Walls are built around our hearts and lives to keep out any who dare trespass. Those who appear harmless are subjected to scrutiny and put on trial for wrongs they haven’t committed. Through it all, we hold our heads up, feigning strength and independence screaming to the world we don’t need anyone, while inside we are lonely and broken. Why? Because the pain of self inflicted alienation is easier to bear than the ache of heartbreak. It is much easier to allow the world to dismiss us as jaded, pessimistic or “hard to deal with” than to open up and admit “I’ve been hurt, I need love but I’m scared.”
Honestly, most guys could care less about the reason behind why we are who we are. As I’ve said before for many men the prize only lies between our thighs. They aren’t concerned with helping us heal or showing us the grass can be greener and that’s fine. We have no use for these types and they should be kicked to the curb. On the other hand, there are men who are sensitive to our emotional damage. They don’t look to prey on our weaknesses or plunge us deeper into despair. These men are supportive, caring and patient. They allow us to vent, rage and even cry. They don’t feel pity for us but anger at the ones who came before them and soiled a wonderful spirit.
Our burden of responsibility lies in first healing ourselves from the inside out. No one is ever going to love us if we can’t first love ourselves; once we establish self love it becomes easier to implement the conditions under which we will relinquish our love or “prize”. Next we have to learn to decipher those who are and aren’t for us. We see the signs in the beginning and choose to ignore them. The truth is that many times we are the cause of our own heartache because we latch on to people who we know from the start are no good for us. Don’t be the victim but the victor. Learn from past mistakes. Remember we can’t expect a different destination if we continuously take the same path. Finally, accept that we have no control over who we are attracted to only who gets our hearts. We will come across many wolves in sheep’s clothing, but if we resist the urge to rush blindly into the first seemingly great prospect that comes along true colors eventually shine through.
I am a self proclaimed pessimist who is just beginning to see the glass as half full. While I am not fully converted I have been allowed a glimpse at the other side and the grass is a beautiful shade of green. As a whole, ladies we are hurting. We try to deny and hide behind that great protective wall which stands taller and stronger than the one in China but that’s not the life we want. By nature we are nurturers put on this earth to love and be loved. Loneliness is an option not a destiny but if we continue to push away those who come to enrich our lives lonely may be the only fate we have. Let’s tune our voices to sing a different song.
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