By Malice Intended

The present sits under the tree waiting to be opened.  We’ve spent many a night lying awake in our beds daydreaming about it.  Then Christmas morning comes.  We run down the stairs with the enthusiasm of a dope fiend to the neighborhood crack spot.  As if heading to home plate, we run and slide to the base of the tree getting rug burns along the way.  We see the box that contains our prize.  Then, just before we open it we feel not joy but….fear.  How can this be so?  How can a burning desire turn into apprehension and anxiety in the blink of an eye?

We ask for many things in life.  Our existence is punctuated by an endless lists of wants, many of which we characterize as needs.  We turn to anything and everyone to fulfill these desires: Our girlfriends, our parents, and ultimately our God.  We are desperate to obtain them, thinking that they contain the key to our happiness.  So much of our happiness is invested in obtaining things.  We suffer from a horde/pack rat mentality, burying our unhappiness and emptiness in an avalanche of “things” and possessions.

Yet, when these things are placed at our doorstep, we can feel the enthusiasm slowly dissipate.  Taking its place is a troubling awareness that the hole in our heart has not been filled and that we are clueless as to how this gift fits into our lives.  How can we make it work for us?  Why did we even want it in the first place?  The one thing that we thought would provide the ultimate answer instead opens the door to more questions.  What we thought would bring closure actually brings more emptiness.

Material possessions and pleasures of the flesh can never provide true spiritual or emotional nourishment, yet that’s what we keep trying for; walking around in a self-induced zombie-like stupor, hoping for anything to end the numbness.  We indulge in Romantic relationships, sexual encounters, careers, and friendships.  These are all gifts and prizes in a sense.  These are things that are supposed to fill the void.  Unfortunately, we are no longer children, and the diversion of material things only lasts but so long.  Yes, many of the things mentioned above are meaningful, but any one of them can be reduced to the level of “material possessions” if one focuses too much on them. They will never be able to fix the problem.

Perhaps it is practice of asking for that magic answer that is our Achilles heel, coupled with our own indecisiveness.  Working for the things you want is a long slow process that forces you to really evaluate what it is you desire.  When something is given to you, the learning curve is eliminated.  That journey down the yellow brick road is essential.  While searching for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you may find that you are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to obtain it.  Perhaps your wants and needs are smaller.  Your destiny may lie on a different path.  Could you have learned all of that if the pot of gold was simply placed at your doorstep.

The journey is always more fulfilling and more meaningful than the destination.  The sights we see and the people we meet are burned into our psyche and show us many things.  Some of these things are joyous.  Others are painful, but they all culminate to give us the ultimate power of discrimination.  That gives us the ability to decide with confidence and self-assuredness what we want and don’t want.  Even Luke Skywalker didn’t like the idea that his destiny was laid out for him on some pre determined course.  We all want the ability to choose.  Our lives are our own, and the destination we reach should be of our choosing.  All that is needed is the willingness to decide where we want to go.

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