By Ms. Alexis

Conviction helps us hold onto what we believe in and maintain our determination to win. We are so focused on the things that we want that we don’t see anything else but what we have always dreamed of. I felt like that about Atlanta. As I drove to Atlanta, I felt as though it was all happening to me right before my eyes. But I wasn’t really prepared for what this move would mean for me. I was focused without a plan. I was ambitious but I didn’t have a goal. I was ready but I didn’t even know what I was really waiting on. In my mind, I had been through difficult situations before. I could persevere through anything. But I was so naïve about life, people, and their motivations.

Upon my arrival, I had set up an agreement with a friend who was also in a financial bind. We had agreed that I could stay with him for $150 a month until I could get a job and get on my feet. However, once I got to Atlanta, it was a different story. I hadn’t even been Atlanta for two weeks and already he was talking about the money for August rent. Furthermore, he went up on the price from $150 to $200, which was a lot of money considering I didn’t have a job. He also started riding me about what I was doing with my time like he was my boyfriend, and it was an unnecessary distraction. With that said, I gave him $200 and I left.

Again, I was really unassuming and naïve at the time. Our argument could have been easily reconciled but instead, I opted to move in with another friend. I forever damaged my relationship with this friend too because of a simple disagreement.  I felt like if he couldn’t support me while I was down then he was going to never be able to support me when I started to stand up. But with that same ignorance, I didn’t realize exactly what I was getting myself into. I packed up and moved to Buckhead with another friend.

Because we were so cool and he did a lot of things for me, I don’t want to go into too many details about that. However, I will say this: I didn’t know people could be so cruel and so giving at the same time. Everything was all good for about a few months or so until another woman came into the picture. Then, all of a sudden, everything went downhill. Although I was getting money to survive from this friend, it was days and times that I had to leave the house without anywhere to go.

I was the most flyest broke chick in Atlanta. I had my hair done, nails done, cute outfits on but I didn’t have anything else to show for what was becoming a major headache. I was trapped in a very bad relationship too. Here  I was in Atlanta, all alone, involved with a man who was involved with everybody else including me. I was financially dependent on him. I was bound to him. Without him I was homeless and broke. On my end, I would cook, clean, shop, and do whatever I could for him but it wasn’t getting me to where I needed to be.

I was so humiliated by my situation that I refused to tell anybody what was going on.  When I would talk to my mother and father, I would conceal the truth by leading them to believe I was okay. I knew that if I told them what all was going on they would make me come home. But under no circumstances was I willing to give my dream up so soon.

However, there was one Saturday that September when things between him and I came to a boiling point. He was upset with me because I felt disrespected. I was upset with him because I just couldn’t take it anymore. So I left. Shortly thereafter, I received a text asking me to leave. And quicker than I had any place to go, with all of my pride, I packed up all of my bags and left his house, too.

PART 1

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