By shelz
We all know domestic abuse is a huge issue in this country. We also know that when we hear those words we automatically envision a large raging man cocking his fist back while his fragile whimpering girlfriend cowers in the corner with her little ones in ear shot screaming, “Daddy no!” It’s a horrific circumstance that plagues millions of women whom we pity and pray for. What about the grey areas though?
Many of us have experienced that one shove, the one slap that is immediately followed by a wide eyed, jaw dropped shock plastered across his face. You have known him for years and this is the first time. You hit him first. You cursed his mom. You kicked his dog. You did something that settles into both of your psyches as an excuse for his behavior and both of you are comfortable with it.
Yes, there is a large group of folks, both men and women, who believe there is never ever a good reason for a man to strike a woman. However, there seems to be a growing group of dissenters who acknowledge the grey area. They believe there are extenuating circumstances in domestic violence that sometimes absolve the man of some of his responsibility. There are even those who have no issue with saying, “She deserved it.”
They consider women who have regularly used their man as a punching bag with the understanding that he will never hit back. She has a hair trigger temper, itchy fists and she swings like a dude. He bobs. He weaves. There have been instances of just holding her until the anger subsides. However, men don’t call the cops. What dude wants to explain to Officer Friendly that he’s taking out a restraining order against a 5’2” 120 pound brawler named Michelle? Some cut their loses and move on. Others stay and allow the resentment to build.
There are other women who never throw a punch, but know what buttons to push to get him heated. His fears, his short-comings, his failures are all mixed together and spewed at him when he’s at his lowest. She stands close to him, admonishing him for all his sins and then says, “What are you going to do? You want to hit me?” The coaxing and teasing create a disdain for her sharp tongue that wells up inside and then one day… BLAM!
Do you think she deserved that? Plenty of people do.
Of course the thoughtful will say its never right for anyone to hit anyone else, gender aside. There are others who feel out the concept with a more realistic angle and say if you hit someone, you should expect to get hit back. Isn’t that what we teach our sons when they are young? However, how many of us differentiate between the little girls in their class and the little boys. And how do we explain why its okay for little Sally to smack the crap out of him without him retaliating without sounding a bit biased?
You should not be tossing your fists, elbows, frying pans or pots full of hot grits at your man. You also, as women, should not be baiting him into a fight just so you can call the cops on him. That’s understood. It’s also understood though, that women in general spend a lot of time defending themselves mentally and emotionally from the dregs of the male gender and from each other. However, that constant state of ready defensiveness seems to have bled over into the offensive side. If a woman is constantly listening to why she isn’t bright enough or good enough, or feeling manipulated or deceived; its just a matter of time before her battle will get physical and she will lash out first in order to retain some sense of control or esteem. But if she does that, she needs to understand that there is a chance he will fight back. When he does, not only will he probably not feel bad for what he has done, there will be a lot of people in his corner without sympathy for her.
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It is never ok. Be a man step away. The laws in every state will always go against a man. She hits you, call 911 and let them handle it. As soon as you lay a hand on a woman you’re wrong. No matter who started.
I was always taught to never hit my brother because he could hurt. But of course I never listen and I would get my ass handed to for it. It is never ok to hit a woman, but women should not hit a man. If you hit a man you do deserve to get your ass beat like a man. And I will be the first to laugh at you, because you know better. And I work for criminal court, men do take restraining orders out on women. But it is not ok for a man to hit a woman who is egging him on. Bottom line, everyone keep your hands to yourself we are not on the playground where someone took your lollipop.
she shoulda thought about swingin on the nigga…
Men are physically stronger than women. They can do more damage. The facts are:
– 2 women are killed by their partners or ex partners in the UK every week.
– 80% of kids believe it is ok for a man to hit a woman if his dinner is late.
(google these stats if you want to know my sources)
In a culture like this, to ask the question: “Is it ever okay to hit a woman” is inappropriate. And to reach the conclusion that it is, is ignorant and irresponsible.
@kirsty
I don’t believe any question is inappropriate if the person asking is in search of an honest, constructive answer. I also don’t believe that a problem of this magnitude can be solved if the open discussion is viewed as irresponsible. Violence is never the answer, but neither is sweeping silence or a refusal to hear all sides, even that of the perpetrator and/or those sympathetic to him.
Thank you for your response.