The dating scene is littered with shady, sleazy, slime balls (say that fast three times).  Men who want nothing more than a casual fling or to make a woman the lewd topic of their “male bonding” moments.  Hidden among the creeps are “nice guys”. 

Women say these guys are what we are looking for, but many good guys are thrown back into the sea as unwanted treasure.  The incorrect, but popular belief among nice guys is that women prefer men who mistreat them, that the cads are treated like kings because women actually want arrogant, egotistical jerks.  Nothing can be further from the truth.

Women write songs, books, and poems yearning for the love of a good man, so it is safe to say that this group is desirable. Single ladies complain about the scarcity of decent men, while unhappily married woman wish their mates had better qualities.  What is it then about the good guy that causes him to “finish last”? Personal experience and various female accounts have led me to the conclusion that the nice guy is missing something.  Liken it to an entertainer who can sing and dance but just doesn’t possess star power.  Many nice guys lack “it.”

What exactly is “it?”  It is one of few things men and women have in common.  Despite the fact we are taught one is from Mars and the other from Venus, we both have the same basic instinct: the thrill of the chase.  Let’s be honest, men chase women for their goodies.  No matter how we want to sugar coat it the prize lies between our thighs.  As women, the goal is different.  Our reward is a man’s mind and heart.  What separates the good guys from the others is that the latter is challenging. 

The heart of a “bad boy” is mysterious and fleeting.  Some women are drawn to this man because surely he is a wounded soul who needs healing only our love can give.  After all, in our eyes, everyone wants and needs love.  By contrast, some nice guys wear their hearts on their sleeves.  A woman doesn’t have to earn their affections.  Many of them willingly unveil their emotions without pause.  There is no cat and mouse, only a wonderful, although clueless man whose most valuable gift is also his curse. 

Lack of confidence is another hindrance that can secure men a position on the losing team.  Women can sense insecurity, we know when a man feels inferior and it happens to be a turnoff.  Latching on to the woman of your dreams in hopes of boosting your self esteem may not put you on the road to relationship bliss.  Which leads me to the next point. 

As harsh as it may sound, many nice guys go after women that are out of their league.  It’s almost a mirror image of women who go after the emotionally unattainable “bad boy”.  Nice men subject themselves to the “mean girls” of the world, women who they feel need a little love to soften their hard exteriors.  Unfortunately, often times these men are chewed up, spit out and left wondering what they did wrong.  Many a good guy has been lost at the hands of an undeserving woman- the creation of the “bad boy” (men who’ve had their hearts broken and are on a mission to never love, trust or feel again).   

Gentlemen, I know logically, you think all a woman would want is an honest, sensitive, caring, stand up guy; we do.  However, it is no secret that women are complicated creatures.  We have more emotions running through us than train tracks in the New York City subway system.  Sometimes what we want translates into a convoluted check list only we understand. 

There is a delicate balance; we want our nice guys to be confident and aggressive but humble and respectful.  He should be able to stand up for himself and not become a doormat for the woman he’s enamored with. While we appreciate the nice guys’ accommodating, (dare I say) submissive demeanor, many of us long for a man with strength, someone we can feel secure with. 

This is not to say all nice guys are void of these qualities.  There are those who know their worth, realize they are a hot commodity and use it to their advantage.  Through experience and heartbreak they have learned to be selective. They’ve discovered the hard way that everything they want isn’t for them.  So they date smart.  These men acknowledge their “good guy” qualities and search for women with the same attributes.  They relinquish their position as the ungrateful woman’s foot stool and have gained assurance they are good catches.  Once that self confidence rises so will a woman’s interest.

There are many good guys on the winning team, but pay close attention and one may find these won’t be your typical shy timid men.  Woman do want nice guys but we also want to be intrigued.  We don’t want all aspects of a man laid before us like bootleggers’ goods.  We too want someone with layers like an onion, each piece of him being peeled back slowly to reveal the person within. Again, this may be confusing for the male specimen, but regardless of what you think you know nice guys are the most sought after bunch.

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