By G.I.N.A. (Game Is Not Allowed)

“When you turn 30 a light bulb comes on in your head, if it don’t you better check your bulb.” –Madea. 

I can’t remember which Tyler Perry play that’s from but what’s most important is the wisdom behind those words.

When I first heard those lines, I had not yet turned thirty but I was close enough to the big 3-0 for anxiety to have already set in.  It felt as if I hadn’t accomplished enough; hadn’t provided my child with all I wanted her to have.  I was still single with no prospect for a mate on the horizon. I didn’t have the home of my dreams, and I wasn’t in the career I really wanted.  But this wise old woman (um, talented, creative man) spoke words that gave me hope. I would figure it all out (if my light bulb worked). 

Now a few years into my thirties, I can fully appreciate the meaning behind those words.  I don’t know how, but after the big birthday bash and tears shed in the memory of your “youth” something clicks.  It’s almost as if the clouds part and the sun shines on reality; playtime is over.  No longer can we rely on the comfort of being a twenty-something, wrapped in a blanket of “no rush I have time “.  In your thirties, society expects you to have accomplished something or at least be on the verge of accomplishment.  What if neither applies, and you’ve made it to 29 and are as confused as you were at 20? Then by thirty your light bulb illuminates all you haven’t done.  I say shine that light a decade into your future and start on the path to your dreams.

Like many women turning thirty I was anxious and a bit depressed. I felt as if I would wake up on my 30^th birthday with wrinkles and a Medicare card.  I didn’t want to go to parties because most were for the “21 and older” crowd. Who wanted to party with 21 year olds-all bright eyed and bushy tailed, bouncing around without a care in the world? I didn’t want a reminder of those days.  After I turned 30 I didn’t want to do much of anything until I realized the advantage of making it to 30: wisdom and experience.

The wisdom derived from the many mistakes we’ve made in haste and the experience to identify and avoid similar mistakes now and in the future; wisdom which allows us to take our time with relationships and friendships, and experience that allows us to handle bad break ups and difficult situations.

Thirty deserves to be celebrated because the naivety of our twenties is gone. Thirty is a time of positive outlook and inner reflection. We become aware of ourselves and what we want out of life.  Instead of being envious of the twenty-somethings we should have empathy for the ten year struggle for clarity they are facing. 

For those of us who were unsure of our life’s purpose now, we grind hard because there is lots of lost time to make up for.  And let’s keep partying, somebody must show these youngsters how it’s done.  Depression, self doubt and regret are not welcome. We are grown, confident and still very capable of achieving our goals.  We should be grateful the lightbulb comes on early to show us all we can still do because later in life as that light dims all that will be left are shadows of what we could have done.  Check your bulb. 

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