It's now clear that the core concept of the film is fundamentally flawed: Redoing the origin story of Peter Parker is a mistake. The return of kindly Uncle Ben and his great responsibility spiel (the words of which are oddly never actually spoken), the bullying in high school, the acquiring/discovering/mastering of Peter's powers, the villain who in a bid for the greater good turns into a monster… you can recite this script in your spider-sleep, but it most certainly won't make your spider-sense tingle.
The Amazing Spider-Man stands as a lesson for all reboots. Audiences don't need to go back to Origin Story 101 with these characters, no matter how much spit and polish filmmakers put on such a tale. And simply copying the success of other pictures -- let's go dark like Chris Nolan! -- isn't the key to super-success either. Undiscerning audiences might be mildly diverted by Webb's film, but alas it won't have the lasting impact of many of its superhero peers.The Amazing Spider-Man has no new spin. That is unless “not as much fun” is their new spin. This version of Peter Parker is a brooding, angry kid who likes to sit on the floor and stare soulfully at the carpet. I mean, that's cool and all, I guess, because Andrew Garfield is really handsome and has great hair and, purely by coincidence, I'm sure, has the same eyebrows as Robert Pattinson. But is this what you expect from Peter Parker?
There's no need to recap how Parker gets his powers and learns about them. While there are some differences in the specifics, they are the same story beats as the first time, only here they are stretched out between insufferably long scenes of family drama. The performers are all fine – Emma Stone is cute, Andrew Garfield is extremely likable, Sally Field and Martin Sheen put some effort in. But one can't help but wonder why the hell you are sitting there watching a UPN drama when there should be some fun Spider-Man stuff happening.
Maybe it's just my innate love of the character, but once Garfield stops moping and starts doing things, I found myself getting on board. By the time he and Captain Stacey (a funny Dennis Leary) team up I was digging it. The action scenes are quite exciting once you accept how idiotic the Lizard looks.
The film ends big, enough so that as I exited I had forgiven a lot of what came earlier. However, unlike after The Avengers, when I would have ripped all my backhair out with a rusty pair of pliers if it meant I could seen the movie again immediately, all I wanted to do here was make fun of the half-assed script.
86% on RT tho...
Supposedly it takes a goddamn hour before Uncle Ben kicks the bucket. I'll be finding out tomorrow.
I'm still skipping it. Which is ironic since I had asked for this movie for so many years. Shit just looks lamer and lamer the more I see from it. Batman can't come soon enough.
The following review contains little to no specific spoilers, and therefore can and should be read by everyone, especially those who are thinking of seeing this.
This is the worst Spider-Man movie by far. I mean, I know I'm one of the few people in the world who liked Spider-Man 3 in all its retardedness ("How's the pie?" "Soo goood!") but this was definitely worst. Let me explain it to you.
The origin takes an hour to be retold. The only thing changed about it are some minor details (the biggest one being mechanical webshooters of course). For the rest it hits exactly the same beats as the first Spider-Man, except with less of Raimi's wonky humor and charm and more grimness. Peter is now a skateboarding hipster. When he clumsily tries to ask Gwen out, indie music plays to emphasize how quirky cute they are. Martin Sheen and Sally Field ham it up so well it was like Stan Lee himself wrote the shit and directed it. The music keeps changing betweens angst-ridden choirs and grim dramatic ambient sounds. Even later one when Spidey is finally doing heroic things they keep having some tune of death going through it as if he's bound to fuck up. Shit's awful to watch.
When Peter finally becomes Spider-Man, the whole shit collapses. He's still clumsy in dealing with Gwen, but his first encounter with a bad guy has him shit talking and humiliating the guy like he's the most confident bad-ass searching for the guy who killed uncle Ben. Of course, this happens long after dead uncle Ben gave him a very specific speech about revenge being for weak men and a real man takes responsibility. Because fuck your dead uncle's speech, man. Fuck your dead uncle's speech up its ass. It's similar to how Dr Connors is first introduced as a benevolent scientist, but they are so unsubtle in the "this guy's gonna be the villain" department that they keep putting a sort of dark edge on him that makes the benevolent part of him fall completely flat. You just never trust the guy, even when you apparently still were supposed to. Also, this is the kind of movie where Peter and Connors walk through a lab and this convo happens:
Peter: *talking about plot relevant stuff* Hey, I know that machine. I remember it from a picture.
Connors: Ah yes, it's a machine we developed which has great potential to do good on an tremendous scale. But Peter... should it fall into the wrong hands, it could also be an... [Jack Kirby]EPIC DEATH MACHINE![/Jack Kirby] Now let's move on and forget about this random exchange as if we don't all know where this is going.
On another note, remember how we always gave Raimi shit for that overly nationalistic bullshit with Spidey swinging in front of the American flag while a bunch of true blue New Yawkers kicked the shit out of some Arab Muslim? That shit is still in here, so I'm starting to think it's actually Avi Arad's delusional ass who forces that shit into each movie. Speaking of shit we hate about the old Spider-Man movies, remember the unmasking? And how we already complained how the unmasking in this movie was looking pretty bad as well? And JxXxR was all like "Well you guys, it's not that bad" because he's JxXxR and sometimes he just trusts studios too much? Well sorry JxXxR but this movie will rape your unmasked soul. Remember from the trailers when Spidey is unmasked by the police and seemingly fights them off and puts his mask back on without being seen? That still happens just like that. Oh, except between the fighting the cops off and putting the mask back on he talks to Captain Stacy for eight minutes with a crowd of people watching from a little distance. And it's not that moment, every five minutes it is taken off. "Oh, I just got ass kicked by the Lizard and now he's hiding in the sewer. Let's take the mask off as I go down to hunt him! The Lizard is fucking slashing the shit out of me and trying to fucking kill me. Luckily rather than planting his claws into my fucking brain he instead dramatically takes my mask off, despite already having found out who I am!
Finally, in defense of all that is wrong with this movie, Spidey still is the most cinematic hero in terms of action. The web-slinging looks better than ever and the sporadic fight scenes with the Lizard are pretty cool. It also boasts the best Stan Lee cameo yet and the actors are good. Andrew Garfield makes a better Peter Parker than Tobey (even if the tone is wrong) and Emma Stone makes a better Gwen Stacy than Kirsten Dunst made MJ. All in all this movie gets three fucks out of five, and that's only because Spider-Man in essence is hard to fuck up, even when they try.
Originally Posted by Dr Doom
no need to read the rest lol
OH WAIT!
Speaking of shit we hate about the old Spider-Man movies, remember the unmasking? And how we already complained how the unmasking in this movie was looking pretty bad as well? And JxXxR was all like "Well you guys, it's not that bad" because he's JxXxR and sometimes he just trusts studios too much? Well sorry JxXxR but this movie will rape your unmasked soul. Remember from the trailers when Spidey is unmasked by the police and seemingly fights them off and puts his mask back on without being seen? That still happens just like that. Oh, except between the fighting the cops off and putting the mask back on he talks to Captain Stacy for eight minutes with a crowd of people watching from a little distance. And it's not that moment, every five minutes it is taken off. "Oh, I just got ass kicked by the Lizard and now he's hiding in the sewer. Let's take the mask off as I go down to hunt him! The Lizard is fucking slashing the shit out of me and trying to fucking kill me. Luckily rather than planting his claws into my fucking brain he instead dramatically takes my mask off, despite already having found out who I am!
nothing better than reading Doom's reviews lol
Last edited by JxXxR; 06-29-2012 at 01:53 PM.
Yeah man classic shit lol
Holy shit I didn't think it was possible to be worse than Spidey 3. I was expecting at least a little better than that though I had already decided to never see it (just like any new X-Men movie). Doom is right about Spidey possibly being the most cinematic superhero property in terms of action (Superman and X-Men really are but the potential has NEVER been tapped).
As much as I hate Spider-Man 2 (and I really do hate it) the train scene is still probably the best action setpiece in a superhero movie yet (yes even way better than the green screen action from The Avengers).
Broddie u seem like such a dickhead lol, you a bitter ass old man arent you?
LOL I'm only 28 but no I'm just somebody who has seen enough movies in his lifetime to recognize bullshit when he sees it. I probably catch like 7 movies on the big screen a year at most now a days lmao. Saves me money and it's time I could spend watching something worth watching on DVD instead.
The older I get the more I value my time so I'm not interested in ever wasting it on crap if I don't have to. This movie looks like crap and though I don't usually go by reviews funnily enough reviewers I do trust cause I usually agree with their views have said as much all over the web. Let me know when Marvel Studios makes a Spider-Man movie and I'll give this franchise a shot again. I have comic books (by Dan Slott) that are more than enough to scratch any Spider-Man story itch that I may have. Also I'm not much of a superhero movie fan anyway.
Last edited by Broddie; 06-30-2012 at 03:20 PM.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
