lol, I can handle the criticism. In fact, I need it otherwise I'll never learn.
Anyway, fucked around some more and created two 'similar' demo tracks. Similar as in they both use the same drum pattern, but the bpm is different, and where one track is carried by some dark synths, the other is on some AOTP orchestral sampled shit.
1st one - make the drums hit harder and kill some of the empty space with hi-hats and a variation in the synths/sample/whatever(I think). It sounds like you have the synths going then pasted on some drums. Make them work for each other. IDK how to explain it lol but I think you should see what I'm saying. Both are "there" but individually.
Hulkshare's being gay and it isn't your tracks' fault so I'll check the 2nd jawn inna few.
I still drown myself in liquor
broken puzzles for mirrors
but taking the pieces apart just makes the picture clearer
shit I'm tryna see what Jig saw, think a lil Bigger
the door to my life ajar, of smoke, over fixtures
shit, this for my *****s skipping rocks across the river
while I'm standing at the bank, stoned, tryna find a ripple
flow is all that I have been through, just enough to make the current stop
these white folk tell me Satan is considered shock
seen demons in all of my *****s, been living hard
Jesus just another black father left his kids to starve
you have a soft past, guess ya future Odd
cuz I ain't need a fad to go & start another rift w/ God
*****s'll give an arm to put a pistol in they palm
Split ya ribs a spark just to put a flicker in they heart
a piece of roach burn, my only vision in the dark
lit with hellfire, flipped the script and made a spliff of art
I took a trip without my baggage, ain't miss a part
ticket my parishioners, slow down, let the living start
they seeing scribble on the wall, but to kids its art
this is more than bars, only wish is that you get it, mark
Nah, I get what you're saying. That's one of the reasons I call them shits 'demo' tracks since it's really just putting drums over a sample/melody without switching the shit up too much or add extra stuff to the beat.
*edit: and that verse is good but I need to read that shit over the instrumental.
I've worked some more on the 'orchestral' beat and have churned up this ugly son of a bitch. It has so much stuff going on in there I doubt it's actually possible to rap on this shit, but whatever, lol.