On to Cincinnati…
I can introduce you to your maker
Bring you closer to nature
Ashes after they cremate you bastids
Hope you’ve been reading your psalms and chapters
Paying your tithes
Being good Catholics
Week one saw the Bengals starting their ascent to spot one on power rankings across the country and the Ravens organization embroiled in some messy elevator business. Seven weeks later, things done changed. Cincy put up a goose egg against a defense that’s not quite as good as Baltimore’s last week and the Ravens showed the Falcons that they do indeed build bullies at the Castle. Time for a rematch. But who wins?
GTFOH with that question.
You know who’s going to win. AJ Green and his toe are going to have a hard time against a Ravens secondary that now has a healthy Lardarius Webb and shut down corner in the making, Jimmy Smith, across from him. Elam is finally seeing his natural spot at SS and Will Hill will get some substantial playing time. Osemele and Monroe are back, replacing the undrafted rookies who played admirably in their absence on the front line and Torrey has moved past his funk. Ravens for the win.
One more thing before we move on to everyone else. The Falcons that poked their bottom lips out on the 4th and 9 TD need to go back to park ball. There’s no charity in the NFL. If you don’t like getting your ass whopped, stop getting your ass whopped. No one on your bench suggested pulling the reins during that Bucs game. [Ed note-as a patriots fan who gives less than a fuck when other teams cry over blowouts, I wholeheartedly agree]
Broncos vs Bolts
You know my love for the Chargers QB has no boundaries but the Broncos have a defense this year and I’m not sure if my boo can keep up with former football Jesus (from this point referred to as FFJ) aka the Cyborg Pretending to be Peyton Manning. Seriously, it’s the year of the old man in the NFL. And last time the Chargers put it on the Broncos, Welker was MIA. He’s playing tonight. I think the winners get wings and pizza this year. Broncos snatch yet another victory from the jaws of defeat and Phillip Rivers.
Seahawks vs Panthers aka The Disappointment Bowl
I haven’t closed the door on the Seahawks yet, but I think the third lock and the latch have been engaged on the Panthers. The Seahawks are entirely too talented on offense to lose to that Panthers defense. At some point they need to realize that underperforming at their level is more mental than physical. More than likely that will happen this Sunday. Panthers hang their collective heads in shame Monday morning.
Viking vs Bucs
The Bucs just signed Trindon Holliday. That might help. Right? Man, my momma taught me if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything. Unless it’s about the Steelers. And the Bengals. And the Browns…. And sometimes the Falcons. Ummm.. and the 49ers. Bucs for the win because unlike SARS, they have managed to avoid Ebola. So far.
Falcons vs Lions … London’s Calling
Nice… Something nice to say. Let’s see. London is a great place to visit. Uh.. I hear the locals are friendly. They have a wonderful music history there. Hmmm…well, there you go. I’m not sure which fans are getting chumped out of a home game with this one, but hopefully it’s Atlanta because this is one beat down I’m sure they wouldn’t want to see up close. That O-line against Detroit’s front seven? I fear for Matt Ryan’s safety. Someone help him. Please. Lions win and Matty Ice avoids ICU. That’s nice right?
Rams vs Chefs
I’m sure the Holt/Faulk hype machine is in full force after that upset last week. That simply means the Rams will lose miserably this week. To Alex Smith at that. The Chefs are sneaking into contention. Pay attention.
Dolphins vs Jags
If all I had to pick was Jags games, I’d be pretty accomplished. They even did the happy happy joy joy dance last week and they deserved it. However, that elation is going to be short-lived because Tanny Hill is playing for his and several other people’s jobs right now. Plus the Dolphins have Cameron Wake and Bortles has marshmallows and duct tape for protection. Sorry Jacksonville. Not this week.
Bears vs Pats
I’m saying. Am I the only one that thought they got a glimpse of 2012, pre-personality disorder diagnosis, Brandon Marshall during that locker room interview last week? I don’t think Cutler wants to tangle with the B if he knows what’s good for him. However, turning Mr. Marshall’s frown upside down would require the Bears winning this week and that’s simply not going to happen. SECURITY!!!!!!
Eagles vs Cards
Believe it or not, I’m still not toooootally convinced of Nick Foles or the Eagles for that matter. Believe it or not even more… I know nothing about the Cardinals. They’re one of those teams that, around playoff time, take the field and you’re like…. Who dat? The whooooos? What city they play for? Anyway, this is a huge game because these teams have great records. I’ll give it to the Cards…cuz I don’t know that I shouldn’t.
The Pack vs Saints
Sigh… Rodgaaaaas who I thought was turning into the NFL’s Houdini last week actually played, along with his entire team, a very balanced and sound football game. They now take that show on the road to New Orleans where the Saints have looked a lil shaky. Ok… A shit ton shaky. This is THE week. This is THE week when the Saints shake off whatever mojo is making them look like ass and turn it around. This Sunday the Saints will return to form….. errrrrr…. Nerp. Discount double check is gonna wax that ass. Sorry.
Raiders vs Browns
Ugh. Someone will watch this because they are bound by fan loyalty to do so. And I’m sorry for that. Oakland doesn’t know how to win. Even if they had an all infinity squad including like Johnny Unitas, Joe Greene and Bo Jackson, they would lose. Because well, that’s all they know how to do. I can’t imagine being a Raiders fan. So sad. Cleveland by plenty.
Skins vs Cowboys
Colt. McCoy. Do I need to say anything else? I mean did you REALLY think EVERYTHING was Shanahan’s fault? Cowboys take a step closer to the playoffs.
Colts vs Steelers
Welcome to the basement Pittsburgh. The new football Jesus is waiting for you.
I guess that’s it. Someone else is playing though. Like the Titans and I’m pretty sure Buffalo has a game somewhere, sometime; but who amongst us cares enough to read what I have to say about that? Exactly.