Mother nature has replaced screaming (and snow-ball throwing) fans as the 12th wo(man) for the past few weeks in the NFL. Just following the Baltimore Ravens was enough to see hurricane winds traded for tornadoes swapped with blizzards that led to ice storms all in the span of about 3 weeks. I’m sure Detroit’s dome is going to be a welcome site for Ravens and Lions alike who will be battling this coming Sunday to stay in the playoff hunt.
What’s going to happen? Well, I’m glad you asked.
Ravens vs Lions
The Lions defensive line is one of the best in the business. Rice will be lucky to get 10 yards on Sunday. However, their secondary is messy and penalty prone. The Ravens know this. Everyone knows this. Pitta is back and along with Jones, Smith and Brown on the field. The Ravens have the tools to hand Detroit’s ass to them. Flacco hasn’t looked like he’s built for a shootout, well not until the last 2 minutes of last week’s game. If he brings that to the table, the Lions are in trouble. I know no one thinks the Ravens can win this game, but the Lions have lost to almost every other team in the AFC North this year. They might as well lose to the Ravens.
What else is on the agenda? I’m glad you asked that, too. The Ravens are looking for a little help. Even though they’re destiny is in the own hands, there’s nothing wrong with some cushion.
Steelers vs Bengals
The Steelers are on track to finish well below .500 and that’s a tragedy. Playing spoiler isn’t their normal place, but it is what it is and the Ravens sure could use their help. No one thinks they can beat the Bengals. I’m probably included, but I really hope they do. Steelers by one point.
Patriots vs Dolphins
Who is tied with the Ravens for the 6 seed? The Dolphins. Who has managed to play above all of their internal drama? The Dolphins. Who hates New England more than Shannon Sharpe? The Dolphins. This squad is going to be firing on all cylinders on Sunday and the Pats are still mired in injuries. But can I bet against Brady? Absolutely not. Not when a Pats win will keep flipper from nipping at the Ravens’ heels. Dolphins are going down.
Chargers vs Broncos
Rivers doesn’t have the weapons Peyton does, but at 6-7 he needs this win much more than Manning and last they met, the Chargers handed Denver the business. Still won’t be enough though. Broncos remove Chargers from serious contention this Sunday. It’s only right Peyton avenge the ass whopping the Bolts handed to his brother last week.
Okay, now for the games that won’t affect the Ravens. Yaaaaawn.
Bears vs Browns
The Bears can smell blood in the water and are probably hoping the Ravens beat the Lions as much as I am. Alshon Jeffery and Brandon Marshall are playing out of their flukkin minds. Despite McCown putting up Madden numbers, Cutler will get the start, with Bears fans licking their chops at the first pick he throws. Fortunately for the Bears, if there is anyone who ever gave less than a fluck, it’s Cutler the slack-jawed QB. Think he’s going to let the Browns screw with his pending contract? Not a chance. The Mr. Hankey’s are toast.
49ers vs Bucs
The Bucs stop here. That was clever right? San Fran’s defense is cranked up. I anticipate Glennon will look like a freshman in the midst of all that hostility.
Texans vs Colts
Colts should play their bench. Texans shouldn’t even show up. Nothing to see here. Unless, of course, the Defensive Player of the Year has a mental breakdown in the middle of the game. Which is totally possible.
Skins vs Falcons
The Skins are going to make the Falcons look like the Broncos. Unless, the Falcons make the Falcons look like the Falcons. Birds by 21.
Seahawks vs Giants
Finally, Richard Sherman gets his glorified practice because it sure wasn’t last week. The Giants are done and Victor Cruz has been the bane of my fantasy existence all season. Seahawks will not drop two in a row. Expect a blowout.
Bills vs Jags
I’m sure no one expected the Jags to rip off 4 in a row and become the hottest team in the AFC, but they have and they have. This week they make it five.
Eagles vs Vikings
Probably without AP and reeling from the loss that would have been the statement win of their season had they won, which by the way, they didn’t, the Vikes will crumple under the weight of superstar QB Nick Foles. While they are in town, they could work out Mike Vick. Might as well have something productive happen this week.
Jets vs Panthers
I’m never right with either of these teams. So I have no comment.
Saints vs Rams
Man. Wtf @ the Panthers. Seriously? The Saints made Carolina’s secondary look like nonsense last week and the Rams secondary really is nonsense. If the Saints O-line holds back the Rams defensive line they should win by like 952 points.
Chiefs vs Raiders
Who is the starting QB for the Raiders these days? I don’t know, but it really doesn’t matter. He’ll spend all of Sunday on his back. Chiefs by a lot.
Pack vs Cowboys
No Aaron Rogers? No problem. The Cowboys have no defense. Then again, the Packers don’t have much of one either. Cowboys by 3.
Cards vs Titans
The Titans get worse every week and Carson Palmer is probably dreaming of a Cardinal/Bengal Superbowl. It’s not going to happen, but who am I to steal his joy? Cards and their red pants win another game.
Anyway, that’s this week in a nutshell. I keep hearing Reggie Bush is playing on Monday. I also keep hearing that Reggie Bush isn’t practicing. I don’t know. I wouldn’t mind seeing Mr. Bush on the field. Who is supposed to turn the ball over if he’s not there?