We all know Youtube is a treasure trove of ..well… everything. Fact, opinion, how to replace a lamp in a projection TV, how to make a paper mache pig; it’s all there. Recently, in a very dastardly attempt to piss of a co-worker who has an aversion to loud fragrance, I’ve been trolling the perfume vids to get a really great bold scent. I mean why not kill two birds with one stone? I should totally smell fabulous while incensing the olfactory system of my arch nemesis. And of course, since you all are so near and dear to me, I’m going to bring you along for the ride and let you know what’s up with the upper echelon of smell.
I did go a little bat shit crazy purchasing stuff and there is no real rhyme or reason to it all, but I’ll start with the first thing I got my hands on. It’s called Not a Perfume and it’s by an outfit called Juliette Has A Gun.
Considering my plan, I picked this solely on name. I planned to bathe in it and wield my overly scented body as a weapon. What could be a more fitting name? It’s perfect. Well, not really.
I know nothing about perfume in the way that these Youtube experts sniffers do. I don’t know what sandalwood or patchouli are; I just know what I like. And I don’t like this at all. It seems this company has decided that instead of concocting a perfume, they were just going to stick one ingredient in a bottle and try to make you believe that it’s a bit of minimalist perfume art. Kind of like that guy who hoists a bare canvas onto a gallery wall and says it’s nothingness, but with a modern twist.
This ingredient is called Ambrox and on its own it’s a dead ringer for a dryer sheet. So this stuff isn’t ghastly. Dryer sheets don’t stink. They make our clothes smell outdoorsy fresh and all, but a bottle of this stuff is priced around $85 depending on where you purchase it. You can get dryer sheets at the dollar store and guess what they cost? Exactly.
I have a friend who swears dryer sheets keep mosquitos away, so this perfume might serve a purpose. Then again, Off has a woodsy scented repellent which actually rivals Not a Perfume in general smell yumminess and you can get that at the dollar store, too. Besides wood scents are in this season. You might be better off with the..umm… Off.
Then to add insult to injury, the bottle isn’t even vanity approved. It looks exactly like the bottle fish food comes in. I almost served this up to my kids Betas a few days ago by mistake. The fish didn’t like the perfume either.
Anywho, I guess the first one was a bust. That’s fine. I’m not deterred. I have a great goal. But the people who own Juliette Has a Gun might want to think about using it on the person who “created” this stuff. A dryer sheet stuffed in a fish food bottle. Not exactly what Im looking for.
Close enough, right?
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