I’m not a fashionista so I usually don’t know what trends are coming until they get here. It’s pretty hard to miss what’s up to bat for summer 2012 though, as front window mall mannequins look like my worst style mistakes of the previous 3 decades. I didn’t buy my own clothes during the 80’s, so you can lay that blame squarely at my mother’s feet; which is exactly what I do when my elementary school pictures surface. But for some reason all the stuff that makes me cringe when I take a walk down memory lane has become hot again. It’s almost like they brought it all back just to make us feel bad for wearing it the first time. If mock turtle necks were thrown in, the fashion season of shame redux would be complete.
It’s a lot to keep up with, so Planet Ill is going to take you on a tour of the bad, the worse and the I’m-not-going-anywhere-with-you-if-you’re-going-to-wear-that of vintage fashion that some designer dragged out of hibernation. Pack a snack because no rock was left unturned this year; from Dwayne Wayne’s glasses to Madonna’s see-through crop tops; it’s all back with a vengeance.
First up is fringe. No Fox.
I started here because fringe has been tip toeing around the fashion world for over a year but it’s been subtle. No longer folks. Everything from hats to pants to jewelry has had those strings of unnecessary material appended to it. The longer the better obviously. You can go from 20’s flapper to 80’S John Hughes flick reject in the same store. The summer releases for most major chains have incorporated tons of fringe pieces and I’m not really mad. Watching folks step on it, have it caught in cab doors and spend minutes if not hours attempting to unwrap it from the chair they were sitting in is amusing as hell.
DIY fringe underwear? Why didn’t I think of that?
All Neon Everything
When I was in the fifth grade I was one of the first people to jump on the neon bandwagon thanks to my mom who stayed in the fashion know. Well that “know” was really a “no” because your girl rocked this neon orange and red sweater that literally got her laughed out of class. Given, 6 months later everyone and their cousin was putting eyes out with their own loud ass neon clothes but the damage was done. My neon phobia will not allow me to condone this trend one bit. Every time I see a girl wearing anything that kind of bright I have a Carrie moment. Okay, its a little dramatic, but you get my point.
It’s You And Only Yooouuuuuuu
Kwame the Boy Genius should be proud. Polka dots honestly aren’t that bad. It’s the only trend here I didn’t participate in and the only one I wouldn’t have been ashamed of now. I guess I’m just a fashion masochist. Anyway, they are over the place. If you have your Cavarrici’s in storage go ahead and pull them out. You can’t have a polka dot button down without Z Cavariccis. It’s like fashion law or something.
I’m going to be as delicate as possible about this. I don’t like see through clothing because those pieces don’t stop at an appropriate size. There should be a see through licensing committee that has to view you in said piece before you can purchase it. This is the one true areas where discrimination might be okay. It is what it is. Some of y’all don’t need it. Okay, that wasn’t delicate.
This is Geena Davis. Everyone can’t do what Geena Davis does.
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