Featured Sports — 30 April 2012
2012 NFL Draft: Bengal Crank Yankers, Jacksonville’s Anger And Jamarcus Russell.  Remember Him?

By shelz.

July is coming. You know July. That’s the month that brings a furrow to the average American sports fan’s brow, unless you like that game with the bases. July does me like fiber does that guy in the cereal bar commercial. It makes me sad.

Not that I’m a huge basketball fan. I’m not, but basketball is exciting enough to keep me company during the NFL off season. It’s like one of those acquaintances you call after you find all your real friends have plans, just so you don’t have to go to the movies alone. There isn’t much conversation, but at least you don’t have to talk to yourself. That’s just weird in public. Baseball on the other hand, it’s just…. Sigh.

The 2012 NFL draft, which is technically considered the beginning of the NFL season, is in the books. I’m not the kind of fan who checks every little thing the teams do between the draft and pre-season, so outside of a few contracts and a mountain of free agents, normal football fans are in a sort of a pigskin stasis until August. So soak up the draft folks. This is all the NFL excitement allowed you until folks start taking the field.

I’m not going to comment on picks. I don’t know why anyone does. Years will go by… years.. until you know if it was the right decision. Unless you own were the proud owner of Jamarcus Russell. Then you probably knew when he showed up to camp with some sizurp in his bag. Wait, he didn’t show up to camp. Never mind.

I want to give a shout out the production staff that handles the draft. The logistics seem unbearable and there weren’t too many mistakes. Well done. I’d also like to give a shout out to RG3’s stylist. I haven’t seen a knit tie in ages. Also to whoever opened up the onsite day care. Word up to you. Let’s move on.

The Draft was a blur of shaking and baking, with some really odd stories ribboning through. That’s what we are here to talk about today. The strangeness that was the 2012 draft. From the Trent Richardson megadeal and Jim Browns curmudgeonly response to Samu’s ultimate moment of de ja vu. This year’s open auction was one for the ages. First up is this Weeden guy. If a Leaf didn’t work out why would a Weeden? But what do I know?

Who Snuck Pops In?

Have you ever seen Rodney Dangerfield’s Back To School? It was the first thing I thought of when I found out the quarterback the Browns just drafted is 3 years older than Colt McCoy. Short timer/rookie Weeden is proof positive that its never too late. This Kid..umm.. guy in his rookie year will be the 2nd oldest QB in the AFC north.

Eisen Loves The Punters

Brian Anger was selected in the third round by the Jacksonville Jaguars and that made Rich Eisen very happy because he obviously loves punters. Its not common for punters to be selected in the top 25% of the draft, but hell after last years AFC Championship game, I can’t say I blame these folks. If the Ravens had selected a kicker with their first pick, I wouldn’t have blamed them either.

Straight Up, Samu Needs To Kick That Guys Ass

So someone thought it would be funny to call on the most important day of Mohamed Samu’s life and prank him into thinking he was selected by the Bengals. He wasn’t and I’m sure that call left the Rutgers receiver and everyone at his table a little empty inside. If I were Samu, I’d find out who was behind this and beat his head in. That shit was not cute. What was cute was a round later, Samu was picked up by the Bengals. I don’t know if they were just feeling bad for him or what but alls well that ends well.

Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

I don’t know. I’m not going to say Cleveland was wrong, but they may have been wrong-ish. The Vikings have Adrain Peterson, Kalil was kind of expected to be picked. I know they had a butt load of picks, but if you have a million dollars and you burn ten to light your cigarette, doesn’t that still make you wasteful? I’m just saying. 3 picks to move up one spot? Ahead of a team that for all intents and purposes doesn’t really “need” the guy you want? Ok.  At least they didn’t use that pick on a punter.

And Jim Brown calling Richardson average made him sound like the average salty ass ex-player that’s jealous of youngsters who are still fit enough to take the field.  I know he’s Jim Brown, but damn.  On this kids special day.  That’s messed up.  Word to Kevin Durant.

Well there you have it.  Now all the teams are going to hand out $100.00/day contracts to UFA’s until practice has to run in shifts.  Then someone is going to have to whittle the 1,435 wannabes into a 53-man roster.  As far as July in concerned, I know we have the Olympics this year, but track and field is not my thing.  Folks running around in a circle is boring.  It’s like NASCAR, just for black people and I don’t like NASCAR either. So suck it up and get your waiting game on.  September is still a long way away.

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