By shelz.

Poor Dolphins. In between getting snagged in tuna nets and pelted in the head by peanut-tossing, moron Seaworld visitors, they get the collective gas face from the NFL. With Peyton Manning going to Denver, it seems to me they need to find one of those nets to wrap up Alex Smith. Just throw him in the basement of the practice facility and leave him there until opening day. San Francisco will have stopped posting missing fliers by then and will have gotten to the tedious process of crossing out Smith and writing Kaepernick on the back of all of his jerseys in sharpie. Or maybe even Garrard. *Shivers

95 Million dollars for Peyton though? Is Dr. Evil his agent? I don’t know if I’m the only one that looked at Manning’s 2010 stats, but maybe Denver should. He’s better than Tebow, yes, but he’s not as good as 95 million dollars. Not now. Brees can’t even get an extra biscuit with his team meal and this dude is about to get paid what it costs to cover Vail in fake snow during the spring season. I  hope they don’t play the Saints next year. The bounty pool is going to be on fire.

Anyway, now the 24 hour Peyton watch can stop and the 24 hour Tebow watch can start. Maybe Tim can go play for the Knicks. Then they will have two team members praying for them. And they need it. What I’m waiting for is all those “gutless” anonymous comments from Broncos players about how shitty Tebow was all this time. Lord knows Sanchez cannot be the only one with a team full of Brutus’ in his locker room. I imagine Tebow is somewhere tebowing right now, or possibly Bradying, or maybe even somewhere with Wayne Brady shaking down hoes. Who knows?

The talking heads are already handing the Broncos next year’s Lombardi trophy which isn’t out of the question. I guess considering the dregs of the Colts’ free agent pool are probably packing right now to go #occupy the front lawn of the Broncos headquarters. I mean they all played so well last year and Elway obviously has a thing for the NFL elderly.

So there you have it, my improvised musings on the deal of the century that seems to already be leading to a 16-0 Denver season next year, barring Manning getting out of the bed tomorrow, but leaving his neck on the pillow. Be on the lookout for those Alex Smith milk cartons. Tim Tebow, you have my condolences. This song’s for you.

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