I was cleaning up my hard drive because my computer was drowning in unnecessary files and I came across Drake’s video for “Best I Ever Had.” You remember the basketball team that bounced more titty than ball and spent most of their practice time stretching? Yeah, that video. Wasn’t it supposed to spell the end for Drake? Weren’t women mad because of something or other? Do y’all even remember that you were about to burn your Drake shit? Probably not.
It’s funny how we get all worked up just to toss the issue to the side and move forward like it never happened. Girls, please note, dudes have peeped this and you will continue to find strange panties in the back seat of your ride until you make some changes and stick to your original, mad-as-hell guns, but I digress.
This made my mind wander to other incidents that left the Hip-Hop community with our panties in a bunch, just for us to act like it never happened. Are you still aggravated? Have you stopped giving that artist your money? Or are you full of hot air?
So without further adieu Planet Ill presents the frowney-faced chronicles; Hip-Hop’s 10 most infuriating events. You know, the ones you forgot all about. Enjoy.
Rappers On The Cross (All Of Them)
Okay it’s bad enough you’re rapping about banging hoes and shooting niggas while wearing a Jesus piece. Then you walk up to the podium after you win an award and thank the heavens for having the God-given ability to rap about banging hoes and shooting niggas. You also have some artist draw you nailed to a cross to cement your image as the savior of all hoe-banging, nigga-shooting gangsters. I’m pretty sure Jesus doesn’t approve. Many of your fans don’t either. At least they didn’t, before they forgot.
Jay’s Attempt to Cash In On Occupy Movement
When you are a business…. Maaaan, I’m sure you don’t have your hands in every element of the operation. It’s all about delegation. That doesn’t stop folks from blaming Jay when the Nets lose or the shrimp scampi was cold at 40/40. I can’t imagine he creates t-shirt slogans, but whoever created the Occupy All Streets t-shirt ironically enough tried to use a grassroots movement against the man to fatten already hefty corporate pockets and it wasn’t taken too kindly. I’m sure there were a few unemployed folks who would have been better served occupying wall street, spending their last dime to sit at home rocking one of these shirts.
Rick Ross Exposed As Officer Friendly
I guess it’s possible to move millions of keys and be a prison guard at the same time. But I don’t think the average rap fan bought it. He was all kinds of fake after that picture surfaced. How dare he be a productive citizen and not someone who sells death to his own community! Shame on him. After cooler heads prevailed though, this just gave everyone enough incentive to admit that they accept people who don’t tell the truth because all that stuff they type on message boards is poppycock too.
Akon Pads His Criminal Record
He stole a guitar or violin or something, but parlayed that into a drug empire that stretches across the Andes. Wait. We didn’t really care did we? Never mind.
Mistah Fab, Slim Thug and Young Berg Decide Black is Not Beautiful
All three of these characters have had some really odd things to say about black women. Fab pretty much said he doesn’t like us at all (allegedly.) Slim Thug said we need to bow down and cook some fritters or something and Berg, well, he said some stuff about not liking dark women but he may have just been punch drunk. I guess at this point there is not point of being mad at these dudes because there isn’t much damage we can do that hasn’t already been done.
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