Society/Culture — 23 November 2011

By Single Black Female

For the last few years of my life I, along with most of my gal pals, have wondered what was “wrong” with men? Was there some mass alien abduction or tainted beer that caused the emergence of the clueless, insensitive, brutes we encounter these days? Like most mysteries, the answer isn’t in the obvious places.It’s easy to pin the blame on men; we sit around bashing and calling them dogs, while some of us harden our hearts and toughen our resolve-slowly becoming the mythical “angry black woman.” However our ire is directed at the wrong group. Instead of condemning all men to the kennel, we need to be checking our fellow sisters.

Yes chicas, as hard as this pill is to swallow, WE are the reason men are in their current mental state. Don’t react! Just listen (err read). The saying “a man is only going to do what you allow him to do” is decades old. We all know about the groupies, hoochies and hoes; the gold diggers, cheaters and users who give ALL women a bad name. Good women follow the status quo and accept less than their worth (just to get that man’s attention because we think that’s what they want) then end up perpetuating the myth (and falsehoods) of the black woman being fast and loose.
Now I’m no hater, I never proclaim to be a goody two shoes. My life has had its share of exploits, affairs and yes, “walks of shame.” However you choose to share your snatch is your business, but where is the respect, discretion and humility?

The truth is, some men treat us like shit because someof us carry ourselves like we deserve nothing more. I say “us” because unfortunately I wasn’t born a lady. It’s a title I gained after learning from my mistakes. A lady demands respect, no matter what arena she’s in. That, my friends, is the solution to our mystery; men don’t respect us because we don’t respect ourselves.

I’m not saying we all should act like nuns and live a chaste life. My request is for decorum. If you want to be a money grubbing whore FINE, but can’t that stay between you and the dude you allow to mindlessly bang you? Is it necessary to make it public knowledge? Does it have to be recapped in books or released straight to video for the world to see? Do we all have to hear about it on public transportation or while you loudly share on your cell? Do you really have to lay it out for our impressionable young women who have enough issues with self esteem, self image and fitting in to a society that bases a woman’s worth on how provocative she dresses and which celebrity she’s screwing this season to get her to the top? (Seriously can anyone tell me WHAT Kim Kardashian did before she let Ray J hit it?)

And why is it so hard for us to say no to another woman’s man? Yes, “us” again. A long time ago, I thought I held the upper hand on a dowdy girlfriend because I was the hot, fun chick her man chose. A little while into our sex-capades I realized I had fallen into the age old trap and the truth was he was never leaving her; not JUST to be with me anyway.

If he had, would I really want a cheater? Could I commit my heart to a man who turned his back on the mother of his children and the woman who still cooked his meals and washed his dirty drawers? You could bet the bank her reality would definitely have been my future had I stuck around.

Why did I choose to tear her down in that manner? Women are supposed to understand and stick up for each other. Would I want to be the one sitting home waiting for my man while some heifer was stealing my time? From then on, I promised myself I would rather be alone than some man’s second choice. If it’s not working at home sorry for him, I’m not Dr. Phil so I don’t have time to lend him my shoulder and my pussy as penis parking (say that 3 times fast).

But I will say this, my heart, mind and spirit paid the price for that very brief moment in my history, Karma is a vengeful bitch. Waiting for her to come back to me any day now

Until next time,


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