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Week 6 And It’s Hard Out Here For A Coach

By shelz.

It’s the most peculiar season in recent memory.  The lockout led to some serious human resource shuffling in the midst of an abridged pre-season, culminating in a 5-1 Detroit squad and a winless Colts franchise a third of the way through the year.  Yeah, weird.  Even the coaches are seeing action foreign to them.  The field has gotten dangerous for some of these shot callers and the game has been coming to them, literally. Last week I thought the refs (and Derrick Mason) were having the worst week ever.  This week the coaches have definitely taken the torch.

No one in the NFL looks more like a grandpa than Wade Phillips.  If he wasn’t standing on the Texans sideline, he would probably be somewhere reading bedtime stories in a fuzzy sweater.  At least that’s what he looks like he should be doing. That’s why it would be ill (in a bad way) to laugh at his Sunday tumble, especially since he just had a hip replaced.  A coach taken out by a ref?  Shit’s rolling uphill these days.  Damn shame.

When Wade was knocked on his keister by the referee in Sunday’s loss to the Ravens, he already had a perfect look of Eeyoreish-like despair on his face.  He calls the defensive shots for a team that regularly naps through the second half, so the 4th quarter isn’t his happy place.  By the time he was being helped off the turf, you could almost see him mouthing “Ohhhh Botherrrr.”  But all is well that ends well, Mr. Phillips and his new hip are fine.

The same can’t be said for Sean Peyton though.  He suffered a broken leg after being run over by Jimmy Graham. Things are getting real on the sidelines these days.

[pro-player width=’450′ height=’323′ type=’video’]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAZ6FHDAmoE[/pro-player]

The stunner, of course was Detroit Lions Head Coach Swartz rolling up on 49ers Head Coach Harbaugh bar-room-brawl style after a post game handshake that allegedly ended with Swartz feeling as if he had been assaulted.  The Cinderella that is Detroit running into their first L was, I’m sure, very disappointing to Swartz.  And Harbaugh thinking his team is doing well enough for him to avoid playing  Jan to his older brother’s Marcia at Thanksgiving dinner probably gave him a head rush.  Harbaugh’s high and Swartz’ low coming together on the field was doomed from the start.

[pro-player width=’450′ height=’323′ type=’video’]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EB0vghUaf7c&feature=related[/pro-player]

Harbaugh’s demeanor, both on the field during the incident, and right after at the presser looked like he really did sneak in a shot and he’s just tickled pink that no one really knew except Swartz.  You grabbed his hand too hard?  Riiiiiiight.  Swartz’s sudden aversion to profanity is laughable.  He’s probably just mad he didn’t say it first.  And his attempt to respond in kind (or worse)  was just a hair less aggressive than what his defensive line is capable of. If you think about it that way, I guess hes leading by example.  No need to cry foul.  Just suck it up and keep it moving.

Last but not least, we have Tony Sparano, adding another nail to his own coffin with the Dolphins’ listless loss to the almost just as bad Jets.  Anytime a head coach allows his offense to just saunter off the field  at the half while on the shit end of the score, without any sort of attempt at well…anything, hes obviously not looking to be employed next year. When you have players claiming they will attempt to get ejected from a game just to kick start their team, you know the coach isn’t capable of engendering that spark.  Sad story for Miami fans.

Oh, one more thing.  I heard Derrick Mason is looking for a trade to Jacksonville and the Jaguars have offered up a bag of jellybeans and their oldest cheerleader.  If she’s under 25, that’s still better than an “if” trade.

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