Lists Planet Ill Original — 29 June 2011

By shelz.

Everyone thinks they are an expert.  They know real Hip-Hop from fake, watered-down, crossover nonsense.  Their top five is the barometer by which all other top fives should be measured.  But while no one is around, every self-proclaimed Hip-Hop tastemaker has that one corny song they secretly play with glee.  They will tell you they don’t like it, but they do.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but the crumply faced heads with their rap rule books can’t admit that they like something that doesn’t live up to their own lofty standards.  So we are going to tell it.  We’re going to admit to our own questionable favorites and the fact that more than one of us has supermanned a hoe.  (In spirit of course)

So go ahead and frown at our top Hip-Hop guilty pleasures and think twice about our taste.  Then hand over your iPod.  I’m sure some of y’all are guilty too.  Enjoy. We know you secretly will.

Vanilla Ice – “Ice Ice Baby”

Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby

If you ask anyone today who was alive when this record hit the streets back in 1990, they will tell you Ice’s hair was wack, his outfits were hideous, he couldn’t rap and they knew he was all kinds of a fraud.  However, a peak back into time will show quite a different story.  You couldn’t go to a step show or a block party without hearing it and it blared from your boom box every 6.5 minutes.  Hindsight is 20/20 but for the times, this knocked.  So stop! Collaborate and listen.

Snow – “Informer”

Snow – Informer

It didn’t matter that Snow was from Ontario.  It didn’t matter that you couldn’t understand what he was saying.  It didn’t matter that he was geared head to toe in Merry-Go-Round.  You liked it.  You did.  You got to act like you knew something about Caribbean culture even though you were learning it from an Irish  Canadian.  And who didn’t love shouting Boom Boom Doooooown. It was the only part you knew anyway.

MIMS – “This Is Why I’m Hot”

Mims – This Is Why I’m Hot

This song was kind of Dr. Seussian without the whimsy or the moral.  Plus he never really did explain why he was hot except to say he was fly, but isn’t that analogous? MIMS tried.  He did.  But rap’s fickle fan base managed to hoist him up to the relevance heavens and bury him in a one hit wonders grave based on the same song.  Funny how that happens.  But don’t act like this wasn’t your ring tone.  That’s if you were ballin enough to have real songs back then.  If you were rocking the midi version, you were not hot.

Shop Boyz – “Party Like A Rock Star”

Shop boyz- Party Like A Rockstar

You stood in that club and said “Totally Duuuuuuude!” over and over again.  I won’t believe for a second that you didn’t.  You wouldn’t now of course, but back then you considered getting a can of Aqua Net, some drum sticks and your sister’s eyeliner.  And I’m talking about the fellas.  Didn’t this come with some weird dance too?  In the last decade, I’d say this song got more of y’all on the floor than almost anything.  Just so you could pretend you lived in Wayne’s World.  Funny.

Drake – “Trust Issues”

Trust Issues

I know you didn’t think they were all old.  If the response to this song has taught me anything, it’s that a lot of men will hand on to the machismo fantasy at any cost. It’s introspective and emotional, yes.  But I think everyone should have trust issues.  If you trust everyone that you meet, you’re about as silly as they come.  Besides, at the end of the day when you’re thinking of the one that got away and sipping your chamomile tea, you listen to this.  There ain’t no future in your frontin’. Word to Breed.

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