Are men and women really that different?  We often find ourselves on opposing sides of most issues and we tend to see things very differently.  We all go through similar things in our lives but look for answers in different places. This column is where we see how men & women view things. 

 He Say/ She Say offers answers to your life questions from both the male and the female perspective.  Sometimes they will be similar; other times waaay off. All answers are written separately. Chime in and tell us what you think.

Dear He Say She Say.
 
I am a pretty established woman who has managed so far to not be horribly affected financially by the recession.  However some of my family members have not been as lucky.  I understand that I should do all I can to help out when my circle is in need and I do, but I’m starting to feel like some folks are believing they are entitled to my help and more interested in what they can leech off of me then what they can do to get back on their feet.  At what point do you close the wallet on people who seem to not be interested in helping themselves or am I being selfish in believing that my support should end.  I mean, if it was me I would hope that my family would help me out.
 
Signed,
Feeling like an ATM

He Says

The operative word is help.  That means to assist. Someone can only help an action that is already in motion. If you’re the only one moving, then that isn’t assistance, that’s patronage.  We have all been in situations where we had to get assistance from others, whether it be family or otherwise.  But the point of that help is that it furthers their own efforts.  To replace their effort woudl be counter to the whole point.  In other words, you not the welfare! Monitor what they are doing to get themselves moving.  If they on they ass and they aren’t trying to get up, then it’s time for some of that tough love.  Turn the valves off.  At the very least you can get them info of who can really help them and you can be Pontius Pilate  and wash your hands. Or you can go the dick route and be such a bitch about loaning them shit and getting things from you that they become annoyed and unwilling to be in your debt, in which case they ‘ll find someone else to sponge.  Either way, problem solved. Hope that helps…can you loan me 20 dollars?

She Says

Almost everyone needs a helping hand here and there.  Think back to times in your past when a few dollars here or there from the fam kept you afloat.  I know you are established now but while you were working your way to that success I’m sure someone else contributed.  However, contribution and totally taking care of someone are two different things.  If they are meeting you half way and obviously trying to remedy their downfall then do what you can without putting your own situation in jeopardy. Good deeds should always be rewarded in some way or another.  But if they have just decided that you are ballin and more than capable to handle your load plus theirs.  Communicate your issue.  If they still have their feet up eating bon bons while you’re out hustling, then cut the cord.  Never do grown folks get a free ride.  Never.

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