Society/Culture — 15 August 2009


By Jordan Forrester

Black women have been tuning in to Terrell Owens new reality show en masse to check out all that occurs in the day to day life of the controversial personality.  However, there is only one thing that the sistas have taken from the show: he dates women who aren’t black.  There is a backlash large enough for him to comment on it and as sincere as he sounded, I’m sure his words rang hollow for most of the offended ladies.  It’s not what he says, but what he does that drives their opinions and what he’s doing according to some, is putting black women on the back burner as he searches for his dream girl.

Interracial dating has been hanging heavy over the heads of black women for years.  As they follow the romantic histories of black men who have dismissed them, they see a common story. When he is broke and struggling, black women are good enough to contribute to his climb up the ladder of success.  Yet once he gets on, he leaves her ass for a white girl. Blondie isn’t there for the struggle.  She doesn’t know the hardship it took to make him the success that he is.  Yet, she gets to play beneficiary as his ex picks up the pieces and is told to kick rocks.  It’s painfully unfair and black women live vicariously through the lives of the black, rich and famous regularly. However, we also know that this doesn’t just happen in the highest economic brackets. It’s found everywhere on the economic food chain, from the boardroom to the trailer park.  When we see a black man still in the throes of economic struggle and his woman is white, do we cry foul then?  Honestly ladies.  Do we?When we see a black man still in

Consider this.  You are driving down the expressway when you see Tyrone’s cousin Ray Ray walking away from his ‘87 Nova which is smoking like a chimney in the break down lane.  By his side, hiking down the shoulder of I-85 is his new girlfriend, Becky (Yes, Becky is white).  You don’t stop because Ray Ray owes you money, but are you upset that Becky is the woman he has chosen to take this hike with?  Do you secretly wish it was you or some other deserving black female having to do a mile-and-a-half walk in stack sandals to get to the nearest payphone because Ray Ray didn’t re-up on his pay-as-you-play Tracfone?  Do you even give a damn?

Probably not.  The situation may even elicit a giggle from you.  Becky deserves that.  She can have Ray Ray because Lord knows you don’t want him. You might feel like he is beneath you or doesn’t have anything to offer you.  He’s still black though.

If the concept behind the disdain is that these black men of means should be wifing black women to build the black family, which will lead to re-building the black community, then why isn’t Ray Ray incorporated into your derision of jungle fever? Why isn’t it as important to you that he also date and marry within the race? It’s because this isn’t about the health of our community for some women.  It’s about cold hard cash.

Champagne wishes and caviar dreams are powerful.  Everyone wants a baller, a shot caller, a man with 20 inch blades on the Impala. It doesn’t happen for most of us.  That desire to be a kept lady who lunches is normally snuffed by the reality of the rat race. Then after you work that double shift and come home to a stack of bills that your man may or may not be able to help you with, you turn on the TV and see Becky riding shotgun in some rich black dude’s Phantom. Then it hits you that it will never be you reclining in that heated leather seat and the shit hurts. The pain is understandable, but it’s no worse than the pain Ray Ray feels when you write him off as unworthy.

It’s harsh to hear a black man say, I date white women because black women have driven me to it.  Any sentence that begins with “all black women do thus and so” is unfair and should be checked.  However, so should the thought process that leads black women into discarding a large portion of the black male population because they can’t give them the life they see Terrell Owens giving his white girl du jour. Ray Ray might not be able to drive you around in a $300,000 car.  Hell, he might not be able to drive you around at all until he gets that Nova fixed.  However, his participation in the black family is just important as TO’s and that is the point.  Isn’t it?


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(12) Readers Comments

  1. I’m going to admit I had so many thoughts on reading this story, But Ill quote this which in a 75% out of a 100$ percent chance is true.

    If you want to know why Black men date White women, I offer three words: PEACE OF MIND. (Of course, a load of cyber pestilence rained down on his cyber head.)

    Since then, a man identifying himself as Black in a relationship with a Korean woman wrote in, “Black females have attitudes, it’s always ‘me, me, me!’ Not all but majority. Asian/White females seem to do more for you and they don’t have so much attitude and drama.” His partner chimed in, “I’m a Korean/White female and I think the reason why Black guys are more into my race or mixed girls is [because] Black girls are always talking about, “he gotta have a car, money, and blah, blah, blah.”

  2. ahhh I dont care, why does anyone care what someone else does? Does it really matter who he dates? worry about how to better yourself rather than who someone else is dating!

  3. i agree with the author’s argument and i will go even further to say that alot of these women are just jealous to see another woman (regardless of ethnicity) enjoying the riches of a black man. i cannot even begin to name all the black wives of rich black men who get shitted on regularly for all the shallow reasons you can think of.

    You just can’t please people. That’s the bottom line. Ppl have been crying foul over how these vh1 shows generally portray black ppl (flavor of love et al)yet they switch it up and show non-black women for a change groveling for a man’s love interest and …… they’re still upset?

  4. I watched this episode that started this mess Terrell Owens is full of it at the beginning of the reality show he was chasing a mixed asian woman then he starts dating a white woman 11yrs younger than him so then after that towards the end of the show he starts dating a black woman. Personally I think whoever is giving it up at the time is who he’s into but the insulting black women he should check himself because everytime he does that crap he is talking about his mama or his sisters!!!!!

  5. What just pisses me off about articles like this is how they completely discount black women being with white men. And it is not a new…and it’s not “black women running out of black men” thing either…so don’t even try it.

    You can go all the way back to Dorothy Dandringe, Diana Ross, Eartha Kitt, Diane Carroll, Lena Horne, Naomi Campbell, Donna Summer,Leslie Ugums, Tina Turner to name a few…to the present Iman, Halle Berry, Beverly Johnson, Janet Jackson, Sade, Robin Givens,Eve, Venus Williams, Whoppie Goldberg, Alice Walker, Alfre Woodard,Chaka Khan…..

    I’m not saying the percentage of blackmen/white women isn’t higher in terms of interracial dating, because it is, although television commercials and movies would have one believing otherwise, there are enough black women going out with white men to make these comments pretty hypocritical.

    My wife is white. I didn’t marry because she is white…or because I hate black women. In fact, I love women period. I was a equal opportunity lover. If things came down differently I could have just as easily married the dark skinned sister from Buffalo or even an even darker skinned beauty from the Virgin Isles…both of whom I was in love with…both broke my heart…but those situations are not an indictment on ALL black women. That is just the way things came down.

    I can’t speak for all brothers who date white women or how they come to terms with the racial dynamics of Amerikka. But I do know their are some Black brothers—AND SISTERS—that I have encountered hascompletely ruled out BLACK as a possiblity in their romantic relationships. And I do know that there are some black sisters out there that believe that speaking in degrading ways to black men is “being black” or ‘keeping it real”.

    We always want to deal with racism on the onside in. I think we (African Americans)need to examine race more from the inside out. We need to look how internalized racism affects how we see other. How we act and re act to each other.

    I NEVER had sisters from Africa, the Carribean or white women who I’ve known tell that I am ‘too black”…or say I have ‘bad’ hair…let known refer to black people as ‘niggers” or ‘niggaz”(if you prefer that type of spin)…I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule for Americanized Africans out there…but as a rule that kind of stuff comes only from us African Americans…

  6. Your hypothetical story is speculative and one sided. It sounds to me like black men who don’t love themselves and thus the women who are mist like them. Hell yeah we dislike seeing Ray Ray w/ Becky just as much as Terrell. It’s not really envy, money at the heart of it. It’s the sting of being overlooked, unappreciated, and blatently rejected by the very men we have loved, birthed, cared for, fed, clothed, educated, sheltered, bailed out and had children with. Most hardworking, beautiful, loyal and strong black women don’t like being told we’re not pretty or good enough for you at any juncture in your life. Personally, I think that only a REAL man would prefer a black woman. And I prefer REAL men only. So thank you Buffies and Beckies for weeding out the weak ones. Enjoy the buffet my brothers.

  7. its obvious to anybody that t.o. HATES being black. hes no different than most self-hating black men though. im mixed(black and white) but i look hispanic and black men have told me to MY FACE that i would make a good baby mama because ive got light skin, good hair and “white girl” facial features. ive also been hated on by black women all my life, but i understand why. another thing ive noticed is how black men exclusively date non black women but when they see a black girl with a non black guy THEY CANT STAND IT! to the black women i say DO TO THESE BLACK MEN WHAT THEY DO TO YOU! something that bothers me is no matter how disrespectful black men are to black women, black women still defend them and wont date other races. they still want their black men. i dont understand it. i know ALOT of hispanic and white men that LOVE sistas but they wont give them the time of day! its craziness! i have never dated black men and i never will. i date nothing but white and hispanic and black men have a fit when they see me with someone whos not black, especially since im the prized light skinned “trophy”. black women-start dating outside your race! white men will treat you 10,0000 times better than a black man, their hard workers and great fathers(something black men are definently lacking!) give it a try! i dont really see what the appeal is with having a black man. 9 times out of 10 they dont want to work and they basically live up to every stereotype that people have about them. no black men for me! and i suggest black women out there do the same!

  8. TO DEBORAH and all of the other American Black women playing the victim…, American Black females always talk about rejection “by the very men we have loved, birthed, cared for, fed, clothed, educated, sheltered, bailed out and had children with”. But, its that same victim rationalization that makes it on average less pleasant to date black women. Black women here think that they have a RIGHT to be what amounts to bloody rudeness. And to be honest, I think it should be observed how Black women in the US rear children. What I see amounts to various forms of abuse (I deal with the general public a lot). It’s about “make his lil’ ass mind” as opposed to providing a nurturing environment for the child. It’s not about looks, it’s that African American women, based on averages, are unpleasant to deal with. They think the world should MOVE around them. You run into it WAY less with black women from other places.

    Additionally, these days I see just as many black women with white men (currently live in the Midwestern United States). I’d say to all black men with white women, do not let these attitudes undermine your happiness no matter what socio-economic strata you belong to. The same women complaining are the same ones who would leave you for upward mobility.

    My final point is stop having kids so bloody early and get that education.., would do WONDERS for the Black community here.

  9. BW should ignore any man who doesnt want or have interest in them. I wish BW wouldnt give interacial dating the fame that they do. If black man is with a nonblack woman, so fucking what? focus on your own damn love life. focus on WORTHY men who show black women love. and look at how to keep that man and not run him away. having a pity party (and PUBLICALLY at that) over a brotha who obviously dont share the same views as the sistas complaining is foolish, insane, and makes black women look like bitter, jealous, whiny babies. and as a black woman I am sick of it. it makes black women look bad as a whole. I cringe and just get embarrassed when I see sistas come online and talk about a black man dating outside his race. if sistas was to stop complaining about who is dating out and focus on who they are dating they would be better off cause they sure in hell not hurting the brotha or the nonblack woman in a relationship with each other.

  10. I just want to know are black men delusional? White women have their flaws also. Tune in to Deadly Women on ID Discovery. They are constantly poisioning and killing their husbands and kids. Some of them have killed up to four husbands before they were caught. My ex-husband was biracial, and he lived in Washington State. He told me he was afraid of white girls because these bitches knew every poision known to man, and they were only in highschool. He told me his German mom called him nigga, and he was ashamed to be seen in public with her wrinkled old white ass. She was mean as hell, but because she was white this flaw was somehow overlooked by her (I am so glad I got a white woman husand!) Everyone person is different. There are mean and bitter women from all races. Black men you guys are not that nice also. You have the highest rate of domestic violence in the country, and you fill up all the jails. You guys did not end up in jail being nice and sweet! However, you do not hear us singing to the media about your secrets. Black men please get a white woman at least 20 years younger than you because their skin turns so disgusting when they hit 30. I mean you can connect the dots on the millions of brown age spots and nasty red cracked leather skin. I can not fathom how you can say every white woman is nice. I think it is inane and delusional.

  11. It does matter the race of the’s about the character…Does she support the Black man during his struggles and not just jumping on board reaping the benefits of his success..

  12. *doesn’t

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